What is you waiting for?

It doesn't take very long for 30 something year olds to realize that life is whatever we make of it. We actually have to get up and do something if we want it. It often starts after school when we learn that we have to actually apply for a job, attend interviews and hopefully get employed. If we want a spouse, we have to go out there and meet someone (if we haven't already), court and then work our way towards marriage. There is no longer a wait and it'll happen...whatever we want, we must pursue.

Most of us understand this concept in its broad sense. I mean, there are very few people at this stage of life waiting for someone to offer them a job just because their name is John or Mary, but somehow we find a way to wait for life to happen in other aspects of our world.

How often we do hear, I am waiting until X happens before I do Y. One of the most common ones that I hear involves weight loss. Many 30 something year olds would like to accomplish something that requires physical and mental dedication....so once they lose the extra pounds, they will train for a 5K. Or some of us afraid to work out in public and prefer to wait until we've lost the weight before joining a gym. In some cases, we are in pursuit of spirituality and religious knowledge, but want to wait until we have our minds right before pursuing a religious affiliation. My favorite of all times come from our 30 something year old brothers who want to "get their lives together" before pursuing a relationship or before taking the next step in a relationship. What are we really waiting for?

Life waits for no one. Many of us have attended enough funerals or heard about the passing of very young people to realize that there is no time to wait. Whether it's a new career, a chance at romance or pursuing our dreams, there is no time to wait. My mother always reminded  me not to put off to tomorrow what I can do today. And I think of that daily.

I often find myself in a place of comfort, not wanting to leave the perceived stability of my current, in  pursuit of what could be, or not be. And thereby miss out on a chance for something to change. Many 30 something year olds find ourselves stuck in a rut because we are waiting; for something to happen, for something to change or get better. Meanwhile, the hours are passing into days and soon enough years.

Do not wait for your skin to clear up before becoming more comfortable with your beautiful face. Do not wait to lose weight before pursuing anything, be it a date, clothes, love, job interviews etc. Do not wait for circumstances to be perfect before you take a chance at love. Do not wait for someone else to see the world, to go to the gym, to try that new restaurant, to see a play, to lose weight etc. Do not wait for a specific day/holiday before you do what you like. Do not wait for your bank account to reach a certain number to pursue what you really want to do. Do not wait to be less busy to spend time with people, or do things you've always wanted to do. Do not wait for the right circumstances to go back to school or pursue your career. Do not wait for the best circumstances to have children. Do not wait for a partner to be all that you can be.  And do not wait for the "right" time to tell those you love how you feel...the time may never come.

Chibok: Bring back our girls

I have been struggling to decide what my blog entry for this week should be. I have had so many thoughts flying around and could not find one that would settle long enough for a coherent string of words. As I pondered, I consulted with Facebook ® (yup, distraction ala motivation and research) and realized that like many of us, I have been sleeping on the news of the girls that were abducted in Nigeria.

I remember reading the news when it broke a few weeks ago, but did not keep up with it. In case you missed it, here's the synopsis:

In the middle of the night on April 14, 2014, over 200 young girls between the ages of 16 and 18 attending boarding school in the town of Chibok in North-Eastern Nigeria were abducted and their school buildings torched. Some of the girls were able to escape the attack. The details of the attack and what happened after are very fuzzy. It was initially reported that some of the girls were released, but as of now it sounds like at least 230 girls were taken. It is unclear which group has taken the girls though the proximity to local insurgent groups and the  magnitude of the abduction have narrowed down the possibilities. The government is reported to be negotiating for the release of the girls, but would not provide details. There have been some reports that the young girls have been married off to insurgents, an act not unusual in these circumstances. It has been over 2 weeks so far and frustrated and scared parents do not have many choices or resources to which they can turn. A march was recently organized to the capital of Nigeria to demand more action from the government. There is a call for awareness through social media using "#BringBackOurGirls" and "#WhereAreOurGirls".

Four of the students that escaped

And exhale! I am so heartbroken reading this news. It is so easy to get lost in my world and forget the daily tragedies happening elsewhere. The reality is that the problems in the world are endless, but it is very disheartening that some people's stories are over covered while other equally crucial stories are barely mentioned. 

The young women who have barely started their lives have been afforded an opportunity at education which is no small feat, especially in their region where there is a war on education. Many families risk their lives and sacrifice all they have in pursuit of an education to better their lives and provide their progeny a chance at more than they had. In this region and in many parts of the world, education, even in its basic level is a privilege and sometimes a risk factor for early death. Yet still many of these families, knowing the benefit, keep pushing and fighting for their young boys and girls to have a chance at a new future.

It is very humbling to think about my world and how often I taken my education for granted. I am lucky enough to have grown up in a part of the world, though not that far from these young women, where education was automatic and allowed. I often do not appreciate that had I been born in a different time, or in a different place this education that allows me to freely share my ideas and learn and grow would not have been possible.

It has been a challenge keeping up with news about the abduction, however let's continue to raise awareness for the return of the Chibok girls; their lives are as precious as any other person in this world. Let's not take for granted that being able to freely learn is a privilege.

The Dreadmill

In my Getting Started  post, I talked about being on the treadmill and how I started slowly and then built it up and was finally able to run for 5 miles. What a successful story of triumph over the treadmill and the gym....And flowers and rainbows and unicorns and yeaaaa, if only it were that simple.

Oh the treadmill, how I love/detest thee! I decided to use the treadmill as my starting point at the gym. It was an old and familiar friend that had gotten me to my weight loss goals in the past so it was easy to hop on and run walk.

At the beginning, I didn't think it would be very difficult. Though I wasn't in shape, it was something that I had done before. How out of shape could I really be?! Well I soon found out that I couldn't pass a high school PE class! Initially, this didn't bother me very  much, until I spotted all the forty, fifty, sixty and seventy year olds going at a faster pace. Goodness gracious, how embarrassing!

I started paying attention to my fellow competitors, I mean gym members. There was a huge variety of them and many like myself, favored the treadmill. I observed that some of them would cover the display screen with a magazine or towel, some would read the entire time (how could they do that and run?!), others would get on the treadmill and simply run, while others came with their gym buddies and spent  more time talking than walking. One guy in particular would come in, hop on the treadmill and run at a dizzying speed for about 30 to 45 min and then leave. Oh how I wanted to have that talent!

It's a Mental Thang
Armed with my observations, I put together my own version of my treadmill experience. I would usually start with a 2 minute walk to warm up. The first few minutes of running after that were the most difficult. If I could get my mind to push through, it was easy enough to complete the workout. I also started to understand why folks covered the display screen. I would be huffing and puffing on the treadmill, having beaten the first few minutes and convinced myself to stay on, only to look down and find out that I had only be on there for a total of 6 minutes and still had about 24 whole long minutes to go! My feet would feel like bricks and I would instantly feel completely tired!

Running on a motorized platform that was not going anywhere soon got old and required major mental muscle to stay on. I found distractions that kept me running. I had noticed a sign that was posted in front of my machine of choice (yes by this time I had a specific machine that I preferred and would wander around the gym until it became available).  The sign was simple enough: it alerted gym members that there was  time limit for treadmill use and referred members to a wait list at the front desk if all treadmills were in use. I noticed that the second treadmill in the sign had 3 L's instead of 2 and this became my focus to get through my runs. I would start running and immediately want to quit and look at the sign, chuckle a bit to myself and then stare it down for the remainder of the time, willing the 3rd L to disappear.


When this technique would not work, I would stare out the window in front of me and count the number of cars that went by. Or if there were children playing basketball, I would keep score for them or cheer for them as they developed their skills on the court. I also learned to trick my brain by convincing myself that once I had completed 50% or 60% or 75% of the workout, I could walk. Once I got to the agreed upon point, I would talk myself into finishing it. 

Once I became comfortable with the treadmill, I started competitive running. Well, ok, I competed with whomever was on the treadmill to them, unknown to them of course. I would slyly glance over to see their speed and at least match it, often times cranking mine up towards the end to beat them. That attempt to keep up would spur me on and I would often hit faster speeds than I intended just so that I can "beat" them!


Endurance
As I kept challenging my heart on the treadmill, I started noticing that it would take me a bit longer to get it racing. I also noticed that I didn't wear out as quickly doing other exercises.

 

HIIT

Since then I've learned how to be more efficient on the treadmill. I added a burst at the end of each run to challenge my heart: I started around 7.0 mph and have gone up to 9.5 mph. I also use the High Intensity Interval Training technique to burn maximum fat in the shortest period of time.  I start with a 2-3 minute warm up (walk), followed by 2 minutes at 6.7 mph, 40 sec at 7.5 mph and 20 sec at 9.0 mph and then 2 min rest at 3.0-4.0 mph and then repeat it. I do about 3-5 sets of this for a total of 15-25 minutes. This technique can be done at any level; the key is to find a goal speed and work towards it.   

 

Though I found the treadmill to be a dread, it became the starting point for my come back into fitness. With the newfound endurance I'm able to push myself in all my workouts. The weight loss I experienced as a result of the treadmill helped build my confidence to keep working on my fitness and weight loss goals.

 

Lessons learned

1. Just run: whether it's on the treadmill or out in the open, just run (jog) or walk if that's what works

2. It takes a time and consistent effort to build endurance. Lack of consistency will require restarting each time. 

3. Like anything in life, if you believe it, you can make great friends with the treadmill

4. Distracting yourself on the treadmill can allow you to push through an especially tough workout

5. A little friendly competition is good for your heart

6. HIIT is an efficient way to maximize your workout, it can be done on the treadmill or really with any cardio workout.

7. The treadmill is a good starting point, as well as a great part of a workout at any level.

 

Did you see what this guy does on the treadmill?! Anything to keep you going!

 

 

Half-stepping diva

Getting started

The last time I was in Ghana, everyone commented on how much weight I had gained. Most people hadn't seen me in years and immediately noticed that I was carrying some extra...ahem.."curves". I took this in stride though I had myself been having internal battles about my weight and resolved that something had to be done pronto.

My first time on the treadmill, I started a brisk walk at 3.5 mph; shortly after I had to take that down to 2.0 mph. I breathlessly stayed on there for about 15 minutes before giving up. A friend had started instructing a class called Zumba Fitness and had asked me to come to the class to support her. I had never heard of it but was delighted to be there at her debut. After the warm up song, I thought my heart was going to beat itself out of my chest and plop onto the floor. I hung in there, completely convinced that it would just take the next song to get me closer to my demise. It was a wonderful experience that had me wishing I could come back the next day for more!  I took my first yoga class shortly after Zumba. I was amazed that the instructor's gut stretched out further past mine; how could she be the instructor. I had to pick my face off the floor when she folded herself into a nice pretzel shortly afterwards...I had clearly misjudged that book by the cover! I struggled through the poses and noticed that I was the youngest in the class and the least flexible!

It took a few false starts for me to get to working out. Other than Zumba, I had a hard time getting to the gym. I would get home from work "exhausted", eat and sit in front of the TV for a few minutes which would quickly stretch into an hour and then two and then wow, the gym is closing in 30 minutes, I'll just have to wake up really early tomorrow so that I can go before work. Or other times I'll get home, change and eat something and then "let the food digest a bit". This digestion process would generally take about 2 hours and by the time I realized it was too late. Or sometimes it would rain...who wants to walk 20 brief seconds in the rain, drive 5 minutes and then take another brief 20 second walk in the rain, anyhow.

Many other times I would actually get into the gym, start working out only to experience a cramp, or my chest might start to hurt, or shin hurt or something else would flare up, like the heartburn that only showed up when I was working out...and well  I couldn't work out through any of that, so my run would slow into a walk and I would abandon the workout all together.

I soon realized that I wasn't going to get anywhere with this inconsistency at the gym. I was able to figure out all the self-placed obstacles/ excusese and worked on removing them. I prepped my food for the day to include a snack that I could eat shortly before my workout. I can't quite remember what I would eat during that beginning stage, but my pre-workout snacks have included a banana and peanuts/peanut butter, 8 oz chocolate milk, peanut butter and jelly sandwich, yogurt with pineapple, cereal with milk, trail mix, and a granola bar. I also started watching my spicy food intake: I realized that I could eat spicy foods until about 1pm after which I would need some kind of antacid to combat the heartburn. I learned breathing exercises that would help me through the side cramps and learned to ignore the pain anywhere else. I also organized my workout clothes separately so that I didn't have to spend time digging through to find something decent to wear.


As my workouts increased I subscribed to anything that had to do with weight loss. I read all those articles, you know which ones...10 things you must do at the gym, 10 other things you should be doing, Are you sabotaging your workout, 50 ways to eat fruit, 50 more ways to eat fruit, 10 superfoods of 2009, new superfoods of 2010, the superfoods of the future you should be eating now! Supplements, are they for you? Your 21 day workout plan, Your 21 day total body work plan, Your 21 day abs workout plan, Did you stretch your booty today?
What? Ok, i'm making them up, but I have read a lot of articles about health and fitness since 2009. I also signed up for various online journal sources, or health vaults and trackers and food diaries etc.

So with my new found dedication, my new knowledge about how to lose weight, I plowed ahead expecting pounds to fall off as easily as I'd gained them. After about a month of getting into my groove, I stepped on the scale to find that I had lost 0 pounds! I was completely shattered. It didn't work! I was eating like they said, I was working out....I was in the gym as much as those working there for goodness sakes!

Once I calmed down, well after I binged on some chocolate in response, I pulled out one of those articles...it promised that I would "Lose 10 pounds in 6 weeks". What? Sign me up! The program would meet me at whatever speed I could run, which by this time had climbed up to about 4.0mph or a 15 min mile pace on the treadmill. I started the 6 week challenge and by the end of the year run for 5 miles at 5.0mph or a 12 min mile. And the scale, she moved! Not quite 10 pounds, but I saw my first significant change.

Lessons learned.
1. Start where you are most comfortable; the beginning of your new lifestyle should not be when you try something new.
2. If you're not enjoying your workout, you will not be consistent
3. Spending time working out does not automatically result in change; effort is just as important as showing up
4. It's easy to make excuses as to why we don't do something, and it's easy to talk ourselves into believing the excuse
5. Some of us need a program to stay on course: for me the running program allowed me to try harder each day
6. Motivation is important and oftentimes in life, we have to learn how to motivate ourselves.

In the first few months of starting my new lifestyle, I learned that there was much work to be done. It wasn't as easy as it had been in the past and I had a lot to learn about myself and my body. I truly thought at the time that it wouldn't take me very long to get the weight off, but have since learned that like many other aspects of our life, weight loss requires finding the right formula for our individual situation. It has taken me about 4 years to find that formula and I certainly hope it takes you much less time than that.

Half-stepping diva

Shattered silence

The peace in my ultra-quiet ultra-safe neighborhood was recently “lined” with three gunshots and a whole lot of questions.

A few Sundays ago around 10:30pm, we were kept awake by a police helicopter that just would not go away. Living so close downtown means that we get the occasional police activity while they were looking for a suspect. I, of course assumed this was business as usual and dismissed the howling blade as someone else’s problem. Shortly after, I was notified that there were police officers outside our complex with guns drawn…Our immediate response was to run to the window to see what was going on. Sure enough, we spotted the police who then started shining a flashlight up our window- we instantly ducked! This was completely out of place for our neighborhood, so we didn't think much of it. An ambulance came up shortly after prompting us to think that a neighbor had some kind of medical emergency. We didn’t even flinch when the police stopped by to ask if we’d seen or heard anything suspicious. The officer instantly put on his  "black speak", joking and laughing with us. He told us that detectives would be coming by to complete their investigations; that was when we noticed the whole complex had been roped off with crime scene tape. But as far as we were concerned, it was all something minor. The police officer also let us  know that it would take only a few hours to complete the investigations and they will let us know when we could leave. No problem for us. We went to sleep blissfully ignorant.  

Our lockdown continued into the next morning; I went outside to see how it was all going and was informed it would be a few hours before we would be able to leave. We settled into our morning and didn't think much of anything. I had googled our city a few times to see if any news had been updated, but seeing nothing, we continued to believe there had been a minor infraction. Nothing at all to worry about.   After a few hours I stepped out to check for the police or their crime scene tape and as suddenly as it had started all was clear and peaceful around the complex. I went on my merry way to work, just thinking of how bizarre it had all been.  

 

Shortly after I got to work, reality hit: I received a text from home saying a news channel had stopped by and wanted to know if we knew the victim…I’m sorry, the who? Victim? In our neighborhood? What in the world are they talking about. I started frantically searching the internet to see what had really happened and discovered a murder had been committed right next door!  According to the news, our neighbor was gunned down in his garage. The suspects who were seen leaving the scene had been caught, their discarded weapon retrieved.   We were a part of an episode of Law and Order and didn’t even know it.

The next few hours left me feeling all sorts of emotions, from relief to indignance and many more in between. Above all those emotions however was disbelief. How could something like this happen in my immediate world? When I returned later in the evening from work, a very eerie feeling had settled through the neighborhood, though my neighbors seemed to have returned to their normal world. It was as if nothing had happened and even though it was reassuring to see everything settled down, it also felt so wrong to just go back to normal after a family had suffered such a loss.

Following this harrowing incident, I became very aware of my vulnerability and my mortality. It is not uncommon for any of us to be outside the apartment around that time of the evening...what if any of us had been out there. Many other "what if" situations popped into my head and threatened to keep me awake at night. On the evening following the incident, as I was driving home, I completely panicked when a car pulled alongside mine thinking someone was about to pull a gun. I also spent time really looking around the complex before proceeding into the garage.

Over the next few months, I went through various activities aimed at making myself feel safe again in my environment. I found my home to be eerie and unsettling. I also realized that not really knowing what happened made me wonder if there were other targets in the neighborhood. Maybe my excessive watching of crime shows raised my paranoia level wayyyyyyy up. I had to engage  all the stress relieving activities to calm myself down on a daily basis and with time starting accepting the reality of my new now tarnished world.

I have since realized that there is no such thing as a safe neighborhood. I cannot take for granted that life happens and though I cannot prepare for everything that happens in my life, I can be vigilant in my daily actions. During those times when I felt completely exposed and vulnerable, I remembered to rely on my faith in God to get me through, and I learned a few safety tips.

A few safety tips:

- Always be aware of your surroundings; pay attention as you walk or drive; avoid distractions such as playing on your phone, texting etc.
- The elbow is the strongest point on your body, if you're close enough to use it, do so. If you're not close enough to use it, run.
-When walking down a street, make eye contact with people you encounter; it shows awareness and confidence
-Avoid carrying excessive bags on your person.
- If you're being robbed, through object away from your being and run, do not just hand it over.
- Once you get into your car after a day of shopping etc, do not sit in your car  to complete your checklist or send out text messages. Lock your car and leave.
-When getting into your car in a parking lot/garage, make note of your surroundings before getting into your car. If you feel uneasy, find someone to walk you to your car.
-Get to know your neighbors and those around you, it'll be easier to spot someone out of place.
-Take a self-defense class, and stay active.

 

It is now business as usual: the remaining members of the affected family moved out, having been told they were likely targeted and followed. Children are back to playing around the complex again, folks are living as if nothing happened. I can't forget that someone lost their life so close to our head, but, life must go on.

 

Stay safe everyone,

Half-stepping diva

 

Bulge be gone

And it finally happened!

I have had my weight loss goals on my mind for quite a while. It turns out as you get older, things like a slower metabolism, lack of activity, and emotional eating become a big part of our lives. And I've been no exception. For the last 6 years I have had a love hate relationship;  with my scale, with the line that pops up in my midsection and the beautiful clothes that only look flattering on a mannequin. It's really been a battle for me and in learning how to get rid of my excess baggage, I've come out with a wealth of information and made a few friends along the way.

I've actually analyzed my weight issues. Now to most I don't have a weight issue. One of the things I've learned is that weight is really a subjective matter and it's an issue that comes from our perception of what it should be, what others tell us it should be or a combination of those two. For me, I had gained more weight than my frame could handle and I needed it gone to really experience the confidence that I was faking. I remember a birthday when I looked into my closet and had a complete meltdown because my birthday outfit seemed to seek out my fat pockets and put them on display. Or the times when I would wear an outfit, feeling great only to see pictures and see my belly sticking out. This went on for years... and though I haven't made a fuss about it, most people around me became aware that I desperately wanted to lose the extra fat I was carrying around. I've had a few friends scoff at me when I've talked about my weight, especially about the extra fat I carry in my midsection. Their disbelief/disdain is actually acceptable because I have generally done a good job hiding how big my belly really is.

Belly
I think it was in 5th grade. A few of us had formed a dance group and were performing for the class. Afterwards a couple of friends noted that while I was dancing, my belly was doing it's own dance and that when I walked into a room my belly walked in first. I was so crushed and that was the end of my dancing. I tearfully talked to my mother about it; up to this time she'd been reassuring me that it was just baby fat and would disappear as I got older. Clearly that hadn't happened so we had to go to plan b. She taught me how to hold my stomach in and as I'm sitting typing this, that's exactly what I am doing.
The extra fat around my belly has especially been bothersome to me because several studies have shown the danger of carrying extra weight around the midsection (vs. around hips, thighs, etc). The amount of visceral fat (midsection fat) determines how much fat surrounds the organs in our abdominal section and a higher amount of visceral fat has been directly linked to chronic diseases including diabetes, heart disease, hypertension etc. I've read many studies that suggest that a woman whose midsection measures more than 35 inches was carrying excess visceral fat. Until about a few months ago the biggest point of my midsection measured around 38 inches (for perspective, my hips measure no more than 42 inches). I definitely wanted this number to be much lower, if not for aesthetics, at least for my health.

Food
I am one of the pickiest eaters that I know. I don't care for vegetables, I don't like trying new foods, don't like certain textures (mushroom & eggplant come to mind), don't like anything sour, or acidic (no pickles, thank you), or bitter (eek what's that bitter taste in my salad). I prefer my food fried and sweet...which means my favorite food has been and will always be fried plantain...and not just fried plantain, it has to be well seasoned, cut into the right size (not chunky) and fried to a beautiful just past golden brown color to obtain the right crunch. Yup I have a very picky palate. As a child, I didn't like my vegetables cooked, didn't really like raw vegetables, and was a vegetarian. In my ideal world, I would eat bread, rice, any baked goods, sugar and chocolate. Actually forget the bread and such, I would just eat chocolate and ice cream all day. I have a sweet tooth with matching dental cavities and dental bills to prove it. When it comes to sugar and especially chocolate, my brain only understands go...there's no stop mechanism at all. And to top it all, I have been vegetarian most of my life...which makes all this rather confusing. 

My mother is a caterer and an excellent cook. Growing up, she whipped up various foods and didn't make much of a fuss about what I didn't like. When I moved to the US. it was a completely different story. My  high school lunch consisted of cheese pizza, fries, crackers, maybe some fruit. It wasn't much better at home and slowly but surely I started gaining weight. College proved to be even more of a challenge. I had access to unlimited meals including cereal bars, French fries for days, a salad bar which I avoided, taco bars, pizza bars and all the sweet drinks I could enjoy. I also developed a habit of eating while I was studying which meant for a student that I was eating all the time. I gained 15 lbs by the end of my first quarter; 30  lbs by the end of the year. My cheeks were like balloons and nothing in my closet fit, which became problematic because there was no mall in sight in the little village of Athens. Sometime in my second year, I realized that my diet had to change and I started eating less, not necessarily healthier just less. I lost all  30lbs and finished college about the same weight I started. After college, I worked for about a year. During that time I had 3 jobs and not much time to cook. I lost weight and weighed the lowest I can remember. I was actually very unhealthy at the time, but there wasn't much I could do as I wasn't living on my own. Then came grad school and having learned from my college years watched what I ate, but still the numbers on the scale rose. Once I was done with grad school, the real world meant that I had full control of my eating, except lunching with coworkers, eating whatever was at hand because I was too tired to cook, emotional eating, and constantly snacking. The scale was a constant painful reminder of my bad eating habits.

Exercise
I wasn't too active in high school. I took PE classes during the year and realized I didn't like &/ understand the concept of running or playing sports. My hand-eye coordination was terrible so tennis, badminton, volleyball etc were all lost on me. I'd never been much of an athlete, though I was a cadet from 6th to 9th grade. In college, time at the gym was more of a social event; there really wasn't much else to do on campus, so the gym I went and did a few workouts here and there. Once I'd gained weight though, the gym became my place to de-stress, workout and to study. I found solace on the stationary bikes, rowing machines and even picked up running on the indoor track. My grad school didn't have a gym nearby so I would do various exercise DVDs  in my room but didn't get much activity in.

Motivation
I didn't really realize how much weight I was gaining until I hit some huge numbers. I made it to 180 lbs in college and that has become the absolute no-no for me since then. During grad school I made it to 170 lbs and realized I had to get a handle on it; but somehow my motivation was often missing. I really didn't like all the extra weight I was carrying around, but it wasn't so bad that I was trying very hard to do something about it.

In all of it, my weight had been another half-stepping opportunity in my world. Somehow I have finally found the right combination, and the weight has been coming off. There's still much work to be done. My ultimate goal for my weight loss has shifted from a number on the scale to sculpting muscles and discovering if I can  have a 6-pack, a 4-pack or at least something like that looks like flat abs.

I've learned from talking to my 30 something year old friends that weight loss is a vital part of our world, so I'll be sharing my winning weight loss combination over a few blog posts. I'm excited to work towards the next level and I hope you will all join me for my ride towards a 6 pack.

Half-stepping diva

Halfstepping!

Ooh I've been half stepping! It's been a while since my last entry...lots has been happening and I've actually been dreaming about blogging but it just hasn’t happened. I have been meeting more 30 somethings and it has been reinforced to me over and over again that this is our optimal time for reflection and growth. In the last month, 30 something has also become more of a reality for me...no more 20’s.

Turning 30 hasn't been half as daunting as I thought it would be. Maybe this is because I have been mulling over it for a few years now, or because I've been so excited to get there. Getting to 30 means several things to me.
1. Privilege: The fact that I've gotten here is a privilege; I know too many people who have not made it to this age.
2. Letting go: I can let go of some of those things that happened in the teenage years and move on. The last few years have almost been a consequence of decisions or things that happened in high school and college. A new decade gives me a chance to evaluate my decisions apart from what my world looked like in my 20’s.
3…. and about that career: While I've been ambivalent about my career choice, 30 obliges me to commit and pursue a career with more determination. If I ever felt like I have “more time” to make this decision, well,  time’s up!

Resolve to keep on

So here I am, about 3 months from the end of the year, reassessing my goals for the year. I have met quite a few of them, and others I have actually forgotten were goals. During this past year, I am learning more than ever that every day is a new opportunity to renew my commitment to my goals. I often find myself wanting to give up when I take an extended break from fulfilling my goals. But a break should simply be just that, and not a permanent hiatus.

So the first goal that I am working on is to continue to share my thoughts through this blog. Even though I haven’t published in a while, I have been writing and the plan is to clean them up and get your thoughts about them. In preparation for getting this started, I realized I should probably set some guidelines for myself. I haven’t quite decided if I want to use this forum as a series of very public journal entries, to provide random thoughts, share my experiences and expertise or just a collection of sarcastic quips with the sole purpose to entertain or maybe even offend. Being a person that needs some level of structure, I’ve decided to define the purpose of the blog a little bit more, knowing that this will and should change as I get more comfortable and actually start thinking of myself as a blogger (I’m not quite there yet). In the meantime, I have lots of interests that I would like to share with readers out there.
Health corner: In order for our success, we must be healthy. Public health is very important for me and as we navigate the 30’s, our health will become increasingly relevant.
A weighted battle: Though part of our health, weight issues have a special place in my world. I have been “battling” my weight and surrounding health implications for a few years now and it turns out everyone is having this battle. I would like to share some thoughts, tips and other information to help us keep our weight in a healthy range.
Women matters: I am very concerned about the plight of women in the world. It is very apparent that we live in a man’s world and I would like to add my voice to the many voices out there about how much women do matter in the world. I am also interested in getting women to feel comfortable about ourselves and would like to discuss some of the more intimate life situations that we don’t always get to discuss or hear other folks discuss (Sorry, nothing kinky). Men, don’t check out of these discussions!
And the rest: I have interests in the world, the arts, cooking, relationships, my hair issues, and much more than I hope will stimulate discussion and definitely let us realize that we’re all experiencing different shades of the same life challenges.

 Thanks for coming along this journey with me. The goal is to get out an entry more often than not (finding it hard to commit, but certainly not every 6 months!) and I hope you find relevance in them. I welcome comments, suggestions, thoughts and even jokes! If you haven't already, remember to subscribe and confirm your subscriptions so that you have receive the updates right in your inbox!

Best regards
Half-stepping diva

You have a Friend in Me

A couple of months ago, my jolly friendly parking attendant was replaced by two strangers. They were rude and they did not understand the arrangement that I had previously made with the other attendant and attendants before him. I found them generally annoying and had to keep myself from uttering names under my breathe after interacting with them. In fact when I drove into the parking lot, I often thought, ooh I have to deal with tweedle dee and tweedle dum. I felt that because they refused to understand me, they were intent on simply making my parking time unbearable. I was highly unpleased with them.

Then one day it hit me that these two are probably someone's father and possibly grandfathers. I saw one of them pull into the parking lot shortly afterwards and he had a Marines sticker on his car. I started noticing various things about the men that made them less...annoying.  I decided to adjust my attitude and the next morning, like I'd done with the previous attendant, I waved to them when I drove in and said a cheery good morning when I handed them my payment. The next day I noticed they waved first as I entered the parking lot and we exchanged greetings. All of a sudden my painful interaction had became a friendly place. With a simple attitude shift, I had made new friends.

I remember going to the market with my mom as a kid and she seemed to know soo many people! We would generally leave the house around 5 am to get the freshest vegetables...it was usually too early to be coherent let alone friendly, but my mom made her stops around the market and talked to her "friends". I learned as I got older that these women were virtually strangers to her, but for the purposes of her shopping experience, they were her friends. They had little nicknames for her and she always had something to tease them about.

We tend to treat people differently once they lose the mystical strangeness about them. During traffic my anger quickly dissipates if the person that just cut me off turns out to be someone I know. This has happened on several occasions with friends and coworkers who were just in a hurry. I've dismissed it with justifications of inattentiveness, which is generally unlike the irritation I feel towards all the other strangers on the road. We tend to forgive faster and not get so worked up when there is a connection with the other person.

I find that making this application to all aspects of my life can be very beneficial. Of course I do not have to trust everyone I encounter or make friends with everyone, but by seeing others as people and not barriers, harmful creatures of the other world or roadblocks in life, I can get to my destination with so much less stress and anguish.

Park Geun-hye

So a few weeks ago when I drove into the parking lot, I asked one of the gentleman whose name I now know, what's new, as  he was reading the newspaper. He informed me that South Korea had just sworn in a new president...and she's a woman. Wow! I learned something new.

Half-stepping diva

Energy conservation

Last night after my Zumba class, someone who had never taken my class stayed after to give me some feedback. He told me that I was not swiveling my hips enough when I danced the merengue, and not standing straight enough during my samba. As he said it, I didn't have the correct form for the various latin dances. As he is classically trained he recognized what good form is in latin dance. He took about 10 minutes to explain his concern that I was misleading my students. Even though I wanted to explain to him that Zumba Fitness is not a dance class, I listened and thanked him for his feedback. This interaction was quite upsetting to me.

I decided not to let it throw off my confidence and not to worry much about it. Of course this didn't quite work. I take pride in what I do, so the idea that I was misleading my students was very unsettling. After thinking through it some more, I realized that I was obsessing.  It's okay for him to voice his concerns, though unfounded, but there's no reason to take it on.

Our words are often like arrows and can have lasting effects on others. I remember many hurtful things that have been said to me that I've held onto for years. The few times I've confronted the person, they barely remember uttering them. It's like when someone cuts you off on the road and you get upset. You might try to "show" them by riding close to them or by even gesturing obscenities. Oftentimes they are lost in their own world, oblivious to your ire. A friend once told me "you can not control other's actions,but you can control your own reactions".

I have been doing pretty well not thinking about my interaction with the student. Whenever I would think about it, I would remind myself of what I else could be using that energy for. It is very easy to give credence to people and things that are not very important to us. Those people or things in turn suck the energy right out of us.

I am fairly conscious about the environment and energy conservation. I do my best to turn off lights, be mindful of how much water I use and I even recycle paper, bottles and plastic...all in attempts to conserve some energy. In that same way, I must conserve my own energy. It takes so much of it to think through a problem, think about someone who is not even concerned with me, or just plain stress out about a situation. In as much as life requires our attention, our attention is often a wasted effort. Most of us have higher heights that we are trying to attain but instead find ourselves expending precious energy on trivial matters that will never take us to those heights. In setting our eyes on the prize, we must also refrain from being pulled down by those energy zappers that are there only to wreck havoc.

So I choose not to obsess about this criticism I received. Instead, I've decided to use it as an inspiration to remind us that words do hurt, another's perception does not have to ever become our reality and above all, we must put our optimal energy towards things that will elevate us, our life and that of the people around us.

Half-stepping diva

The Facebook Life

Ooh boy! Grandma is on Facebook®! And she actually updates her status and shares pictures and posts! What has the world come to?! Somehow in the midst of all the conflicts and turmoils, all the political and religious rantings, all the family drama and all of life's disappointments, we all agree on one thing....that we like the world to know what's going on in our lives...especially when things are going really well! Facebook® is proof that humans cannot live in isolation..we need each other. I personally spend several hours daily scrolling through and checking up on friends, loved ones and folks that I frankly never thought I would encounter again. Quite a bit of my energy goes into admiring pictures, occasionally even commenting and just reading up on other folks' world. It's the voyeur in all of us....even when folks post wayyy too much information we still feel quite inclined to be a part of it...afterall if you're putting it out there, I might as well share it.

I also believe that a part of Facebook®success is because it is only a representation of our lives...and most of the time, it is the good part of our lives. Have you ever "reunited" with a long lost friend only to find that they are doing better than you? In fact according to their Facebook® page, they are doing much much better than you! Many of us use Facebook® like telephones were intended. and instead of just calling our closest friend to tell them the news, we call a 1000 friends. Ok really...do we really know a 1000 people or are we just collecting potential status updates? I am always amazed about how much turmoil there is in the world...but yet per Facebook® everything is just peachy. Sure you'll occasionally have a rant or two or a post that gets folks riled up, but for the most part we only share the really great parts of our world.

The result? Quite a number of us walk around feeling highly insecure about our own problems. What would they say if they found out that my life is not as peachy as theirs? Would they think less of me? I must be doing something wrong if I can't do like they are doing! Another group of us are resentful. Everyone else seems to have a fabulous life except me! I have encountered many people who really believe that folks around them do not have any problems...or at least not serious problems like they do. It is easy to look at our shortcomings and be hard on ourselves, blame someone else because we don't measure up to someone's facebook life.

The truth though is that we all have problems. Everyone including the happiest person on this earth has a story and many chapters in our book of life end tragically, or sadly or in anger. It is not always a walk in the park despite what our Facebook® status says.

I've had the privilege of having deep conversations with folks from different walks of life and it's always the same story...something impactful has happened in their lives, and this thing still influences their lives..5, 10, 20 or even 50 years after it happened. I've had many conversations with my adopted grandmother and she recounts stories of her childhood like it happened yesterday. She recalls the pain she experienced and how it influenced her life...even till today at age 80. No matter how great it looks on paper or on the internet, we all have a sad story to tell.

So, I try to open up and tell others about my hurts and my pain and also about my triumphs. We all need hope in our lives. I pray my story will have an impact on theirs...make them see that life is a great struggle for all of us. And after I scroll through all the news of new babies, new spouses, new jobs, new friends and amazing lives, I go back to my world, my truth and my reality, remembering that those posts are only an itsy bit of those folks' lives. There's more of them to be discovered outside of their Facebook® lives.

Half-stepping diva

Twelve twelve twelve

12/12/12

I'm so excited about today's date! I might be in the minority with my excitement, but it's got me thinking...I'm getting old! The last time that this date existed was a cool 100 years ago..and the next time will be in 100 years! If I live to see this date again, I would be considered one of the oldest people in the world, unless of course technology had changed things and being 129 years old is a norm.

So I'm going back to 1912...the world was very different than it is today. Most of the people born this year are no longer here with us. Those that are should be revered....they have lived a long life thus far! I probably wouldn't have travelled to the United States were this 1912...commercial travel by airplanes wasn't the mode of transportation it is. This blog would be a diary that I would keep in my bedroom...well if I were in Ghana, I don't know if I would even have an education and therefore access to all this, but let's say I was educated...I would be writing down my thoughts on some other medium. There would be no computer, and therefore no internet, no google and definitely no blogspot. The world of fashion was starkly different...unlike in 2012, the point of clothes were to cover up, not show the world the goods, as it is today. The raging wars as we know it were a tad different, though folks are still fighting over ownership and land, the tools used to destroy are quite sophisticated these days.

Wiki has information about what was happening in 1912: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1912

So, as we go about our business on 12/12/2012, what legacy are we leaving for those that will be around for 12/12/2112? I can't imagine what kind of world that it would become especially given where we are going in 2012 with technology. What kind of groundwork are we laying to ensure that our progeny and future will benefit. Will Earth even exist? Or would man, in his quest to protect his own, destroy the world completely? What are our priorities right now as we live? Do we live in love or in total mistrust of "the other people"?

As I have no answers to these thoughts...I'm going to continue in my personal walk...ensuring that the world around me continues to smile, laugh, grow and simply thrive!

Happy 12/12/12!

Half-stepping Diva

P.S. Ok I'm not the only excited about this date...see what others are doing to mark it.
http://news.yahoo.com/photos/12-12-12-marked-around-the-world-slideshow/#crsl=%252Fphotos%252F12-12-12-marked-around-the-world-slideshow%252Fgroup-children-celebrate-12th-birthday-times-square-york-photo-153516019.html

November 15: Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift that's why it's called present

I have been mulling over starting a blog for quite a while. And it recently hit me, what better time to officially “launch” it than November 15.  This date of course holds some significance for me. This is the birthday of one of my dearest friends who was taken away way too soon. It’s been about 5 years since his passing…and I’ve had a lot of time to reflect, pray and cry about losing someone very close to me. So I figured on what would have been his 33^rd birthday which falls on Thursday (day he was born) it would be fitting to celebrate a new phase of my journey by sharing a bit more of me with the world. He would have been so proud of this blog and probably have been the first person to log on to comment. He was one of my most vocal cheerleaders and always encouraged me to go to higher grounds.  

We were friends from childhood and he was the first boy to give me butterflies. When I moved from Ghana, he wrote to me and often. We talked on the phone whenever we could. We shared a love of music and he sent me CDs of the latest music in Ghana whenever he could. He was instrumental during my high school years…encouraging me to stay strong regardless of what I was experiencing and how difficult it was for me to adjust to my new world. In college he kept up with the letters and phone calls. During this time we got closer…after some time apart. We were both growing up and experiencing different phases of our lives. Being four years older meant that he experienced life before I did and got to give me advice as to how to manipulate through my world. Thanks to technology, we were able to keep in touch with emails and more regular phone calls. I was in grad school when he died. Less than a week before his passing we had chatted online…the last thing we exchanged before he logged off was “I love you”. This has been a very reassuring part of me losing my friend…he knew I love him.

Since then I have lost few other loved ones…each time it was even more difficult to accept that I would never talk to them or see them again.

Losing my friend taught me quite a bit. We had been friends for so long and many times I took our friendship for granted. After he passed and I started to mourn his loss, I realized that my tears of sadness  had become tears of regret…I was really crying because I regretted not spending more time with him or talking more to him or whatever else I could come up with. That feeling impressed on me so much more than realizing that I had lost him. I could accept that it was God’s will and that he was in a better place. But I struggled with the idea that I hadn’t done more as a friend.

This ushered me into a place of growth…I realized that life really is too short and I could not afford living in regret. This meant that I had to take others into consideration in all my actions. If anything were to happen to them, I could not afford to be regretful about the way I treated them. This meant spending more time with people I love, being positive around them, taking care of them, and loving them with all of me. My goal with all the connections I have made is to give them my best.

Gift from Yao in 1998

It has been very challenging to constantly do the right thing. But I’ve learned to forgive faster, laugh more, love harder and work on being in the present. I’ve been blessed to meet a lot of people…many of whom I’ve had a solid connection. I hope to continue building friendships, relationships and of course grow from my interactions with so many wonderful people.

So Yao, this blog is dedicated to you. Thank you for being such a friend to me. Thanks for being my first valentine…you’ll always be my valentine.  Even though you passed on our favorite holiday, I will always celebrate Valentine ’s Day with love in my heart. And I will continue to share my love with all the special people around me.  Happy birthday, sweetie. Much love always.   

Half-stepping diva

Your Vote is Your Power

I voted I voted!! This was my first year to be part of the selection process of the leadership of my country. I left Ghana when I was 15 and never got to participate in that process.  Last year I finally became eligible to vote in the country I’ve been calling home for almost 15 years. It was very exciting to be part of the process especially given the tension surrounding this particular election and the relevance of the leader selected for the next four years.

It took me about 3 tries to get registered…I finally realized I could register online and in a few clicks was officially registered. I waited nervously to receive a sample ballot in the mail, in the meantime I kept checking the registrar’s record online to see if my registration had gone through. Did that a few times before my name popped up and I got my poll location. Yay! Finally I was in! I absolutely enjoyed receiving the sample ballot and going through them and picking my choice. I had studied up on the propositions as well and was fully prepared to add my selection….Oooh this is what democracy feels like.

Election Day was like Christmas for me! It really felt good to perform my civic duty; I guess a big part of it was a sense of belonging that I finally felt. And it felt amazing! The actual process of voting was rather uneventful…the most exciting part was the overbearing poll worker that was helping the other poll workers get through what they had already done. And the poll pen that I used to pick my choices was capped and my slippery hands could not pry the cap open…I guess I was a tad nervous. So I called the overprotective poll worker over and in a few attempts, I was ready to go. The process reminded me a bit of a scantron test…the worst is to get to the end and realize that you had missed one or a couple of boxes…who came up with that idea anyway? There is so much room for error on a scantron sheet! Anyways, it didn’t take long and it was done. In fact I probably spent more time taking pictures than the whole process of voting! And I got to go into work a bit late so that I could exercise my right to vote!

November 6^th proved to be a day of smiles...until about 7pm when the tallies started coming in. I was at the gym where I had just finished teaching a Zumba® Fitness class. I watched nervously with other gym enthusiasts who obviously didn’t want election results to interrupt their workouts. At some point when Present Obama was projected to win, none of us believed it…we figured that they were just getting our hopes up...after all California had just closed the polls. The nervousness was quickly replaced by excitement when I called a friend who had more faith in our media than I…Yay! My preferred candidate had made it! And I felt proud to be a part of picking him. This is what democracy feels like!

As quickly as they came, the elections were over and the influx of stories replaced the excitement of the reelection of President Barack Obama. One of the stories was from a friend whose grandma, at age 79, had transported some voters to the polls to ensure that their voice could be heard and this got me thinking!

In all my excitement of being a part of the process, I had forgotten that as recently as the 1960’s many people in the United States were not allowed to be part of the election process. In many parts of Africa, people were still under colonial rule…which meant they had no rights in their own land. The significance of my participation in the election grew. It wasn’t just about getting my voice heard…after all ONE singular vote never determined the outcome of an election. It was also about being able to exercise my rights in this country.

When I was in college, I learned about the freedom fighters, the civil rights workers and how they tolled to ensure that people of color were recognized first as full human beings and then given the same rights as any and everyone else. I remember the outrage I felt…it was the same outrage I felt when I learned about the history of Ghana and how several European countries had come in and exchanged alcohol, tobacco and guns first gold and ivory and later for people.  My parents were born during the time of colonization and during a time when blacks in the United States did not have many rights….it really was not that long ago.

My pride in voting in 2012 has swelled since my actual participation. This is my way of thanking my fallen ancestors and letting them know that their fight was not in vain. This is not just for my African ancestors, but also my African American ancestors.

 

It was not coincidental that during the decade when blacks in America were earning rights, blacks in Africa were witnessing a glimmer of hope.  We have certainly come a long way and though there is much work to be done, it is wonderful to see the manifestation of all the blood, tears and sweat that went into our freedom.

 

 

 

This Veteran's Day, I'd like to thank all those who have been part of the fight to ensure that we continue in our quest for peace and freedom.

Half-stepping diva

What's in a name?

Half-stepping diva?  Say huh?  For those of you who know me, you know I’m hardly a diva. Well, on most days, anyway. I chose the name half-stepping diva because I find myself half-stepping…very often. Tiana who blogs on www.thinkingstilletos.com, discusses being a procrastinating perfectionist.  And I must say that those two words describe me absolutely perfectly. In my mind, I want everything as perfect as possible. Most times I actually try to make that happen. In reality, I like to wait until the last possible moment to make the perfectionism manifest…usually with highly dismal results.

 In the last few months in seriously examining my life, I realized that I live in a lukewarm world. I am neither hot nor cold about most things, and have been skating through life in survival mode so much that I have landed in the world of “I can go either way”. I realized I have been half-stepping. I always admired people in college who could play hard and work hard. On Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays and sometimes Sundays, they would be out enjoying the world through a bottle, the dance floor and maybe a companion. For the rest of the week, they managed to stay at the top of their class. Me, I was never out during the week, spent moderate time partying, and came up with lukewarm grades.  

As I am still a perfectionist, I strive for the best hoping to at least break even and often settle for less than I’m worth…still half-stepping. I am quite conservative, but very much a liberal…nope not a moderate, but rather a conservative liberal. I think big, dream big, and want more…only when I allow myself to think, dream or want…actions which are apparently needed to achieve more…still half-stepping.

In all of it, I have managed to accomplish a bit. I moved to a new country and into a completely new system as a teenager, suffered through living in suburban Ohio, went to college and graduated with two degrees and then worked on a Masters in one of the largest cities in the U.S. I have been at the same job for almost five years. I’ve been fairly accomplished despite my half-stepping tendencies.

So, as I have been created for excellence, I need to work out of this neither here nor there attitude. This blog is to help me remember this and to work towards being a woman of excellence.  Working through mediocrity means fighting complacency, staying focused, increasing strength (mental, physical & spiritual), and seeing projects all the way through to the end…no longer half-stepping.  

Half-stepping Diva

Pre-About Me

I am so excited to start blogging… I feel like I’m stepping into a whole new world. Ok so why blogging? Well I’m constantly  having discussions with myself in my head, so I figured why not put that information on paper and share with others. I love to discourse and get feedback and grow from what others are saying or experiencing, anyhow, so I think it will be good for me to put myself out there and see where this goes. I also would like to publish a thing or two in the future and so this is sort of my start in that world to see if I really really like writing as much as I think I do. And furthermore I have nominated myself editor in a few people’s worlds, so why not put my pen where my mouth is and let’s see what I can come up with on my own.

I am hoping to use this blogging forum as a place to express myself and also to gain knowledge about what’s going on in the world. I interact on a deep level with several people and it seems like most of the people in my circle are dealing with career or career issues, relationship problems (no relationship is also considered a problem), life journey stories, family related drama (no one can ever escape this one!) and many other things that we all share. I’ve decided that around age 30 everyone, no matter how successful they are goes through a place of evaluation and figuring out what next….I say around 30 because I know some 40 somethings that are experiencing the same things. It turns out there’s no formula to succeeding in life..there seems to be no formula to even living life. Different people come with different priorities, different opportunities and many many different experiences.

I tend to be on the dramatic side and this often comes out in my writings. I love to tell stories though I’ve been told I don’t know how to tell stories/my stories are not really stories (whatever!) but rather bits of information that I piece together (again, whateverrrr!) so I’m hoping to tell a few through this blog.

I’ve been thinking quite a bit about starting this blog and as usual I’ve mulled over it as much as possible. I decided to start the blogging on November 15, which is a significant date in my world, but I think I’ll explain why on that day. In the meantime since I’m into research I decided to get started before that date with mini entries to get into the habit of blogging.

I really have no set goal for the number of entries or how often I will blog. I just want to share my world with folks around…feel free to invite others to share read along. Even though I never comment on other people’s blog, I really would love for you to respond with thoughts and questions or comments. Please remember to be respectful in all entries and absolutely no bad language.

Thanks for taking the time to get into my head!

Half-stepping Diva