How to get back on the horse

For the last few, ahem, months, I’ve thought almost daily about my blog. I’ve started quite a few blog posts – in my head, of course, but often found the usual blog chattering had been replaced with silence. 

As the months rolled together, I’ve thought about how to get back into it – I started a new site which would feature my new brand and a new concept; I redefined my blogging space several times. I then decided that in order to prevent another writing hiatus, I had to have at least four blog posts ready to be published. But what actually happened? I didn’t ever finish the new website, abandoning it at the first sight of an obstacle; my redefinition fell flat, and well, I don’t have the four posts ready to go.

This week, a friend unexpectedly asked me about my blog; and I had to resist my usual defensiveness and just reveal that well I’ve fallen off the horse and stayed fallen. I promised him that I’ll have a blog published by the end of the week.

Once I fell out of habit, I decided that my "comeback" needed bells and whistles; it had to be “extra special” to excuse my inaction. When we trip and stray, we create multiple roadblocks that keep us further from our goals and justify our inability, insecurity, lack of commitment, shifted priorities etc or whatever it was that tripped us up.  

So what are the steps involved in getting back on the horse?

Step 1: Get back on the horse

Step 2: Gallop and keep going

I've been reminded that the best thing we can do for ourselves is literally to just do it; there's no need to find a new horse, or adorn the old, find a new stepping stool, or as my pastor said today, pray about it.

So here I go, getting back on this horse; writing and sharing me. Thank you for your support!

Still halfstepping!

Half-stepping Diva

Equipped and forgotten

So you have decided to make some changes in your life? Congratulations! and welcome to the club! At some point, we all nitpick at something that we want to fix. Talking to different people has made me realize that it is a natural part of growing up and even the most perfect person continues to seek perfection through change.

Change is daunting...and requires significant and specific steps that often make us run in the opposite direction. While giving me her exercise clothes, my aunt tells me how she decided to exercise. To prepare herself, she found a nearby gym and paid for a full year's membership and proceeded to shop for an entire wardrobe to support her decision. At the time of the story, she barely remembered which gym she had donated her money to, and since the clothes I was getting were brand new, it was safe to assume she didn't go back after joining!

This story has replayed in various forms in all our lives. I have collections of yarn, books, cookbooks, dance shoes, special outfits, equipment...all in the name of something new. I often hear friends talk about doing something and spend a whole lot of energy and money "preparing" for the change.

I think investing in my plans make me feel that I will actually go through with it. We often believe that in order to be serious in our resolve to change, we must first make an investment. I have realized however that when I've been successful in changing something, my first step is actually just doing it.

Let's say you want to eat more vegetables. You invest in an expensive blender which you will use to make juices and smoothies daily. In addition to your new toy, you need lots of vegetables, so you buy and fill up your fridge. 

Or you want to learn how to play the guitar this year. So you buy a guitar, maybe an amplifier, a pick and sign up for lessons immediately.

Or you want to lose weight. So you throw out everything bad and invest in fitness videos, or gym equipment or jump rope or remember you were fit when you played football (soccer) back in the day so you invest in some cleats, footballs, and running clothes.

Or you want a new job. You buy expensive special paper for the resume, and fill your wardrobe with brand new clothes and shoes for all the interviews you're definitely going to get.

In all the examples, it seems perfectly sound to make those investments. But oftentimes what

happens is that we realize we actually don't have time to blend anything; plus the smoothies taste horrible! And well you're terrible at the guitar and the guy teaching you is too far from you plus you're so tired after work all you want to do is eat and sleep. And you got through the first level of the fitness DVD, but why is it sooo hard? And why do they only have perfect bodies on the video and the treadmill is too boring so now you've started hanging clothes on it. And you haven't actually had time to look for any jobs, plus there's really nothing out there that you like!

So this year, when you are ready to do something new, start where you are and see how your change can actually fit your life. Use what you currently have and as the change becomes a habit, reward yourself by making investments to get better at it.

If you want to learn photography, start by becoming the designated photographer using your phone's camera. As your interest grows, you can purchase that beautiful camera you've been eyeing. If you want to learn how to play basketball, go somewhere others are playing and play with them.

Don't immediately invest in equipment that will surely collect dust soon. As for me and my cake decorating materials, maybe this year I will actually bake a cake so that I can practice my decorating skills!


Half-stepping diva

Celebrating

Two years ago, I decided to start blogging. I wanted to work on my skills as a writer while honoring a friend whose death taught me the importance of living a life of no regrets, and loving on everyone in my space as much as possible. I was also inspired by feelings of uncertainty and  unaccomplishment and especially after I realized in talking to others approaching 30, in their 30s and even beyond, all of whom I have dubbed "30 something year olds" that it was a common feeling.

In the last two years it has been a challenge keeping up with my commitments, but I have learned how much  my work input influences what is actually happening in my life. The blog has also given me opportunity to process my world on a deeper level. I certainly hope something I've discussed resonates with someone out there.

As I hit the two year mark, I am taking a moment to examine how it all fits in my world and how to make this better. I'm also celebrating the memory of my friend and inspiration. He would have been 35 today.

So to start, I have made a commitment to continue to use this platform as originally intended; to give me space to fully express myself. I also want to use it to discuss some of the topics that are near to me: the world through the eyes of women, our health, weight loss, body image, Africa, building ourselves to be the best, and stripping away uncertainty and stepping out with confidence. I recognize that I will often half-step; and will falter, but as long as I keep making an effort, I know it's not in vain.

You might notice that I have finally moved the blog to its own domain: www.halfsteppingdiva.com. If you haven't already subscribed, please do so; it'll get updates right to your inbox and allow me to have an idea how many folks have access. I welcome comments and suggestions and hope we can grow together, dismantling the things that hold us back, and continue to step up to reach higher.

Giving you all my best,
Half-stepping diva

What are you holding onto?

This week, I was asked a simple question by a wisdom-filled woman I've been blessed to be around... "What are you holding onto?"
Huh? I've often heard and asked of myself "what's holding me back?" so this was a new outlook for me!

I shared this question with another blessing in my life who is quite versed in my brand of craziness and without missing a beat, her response was "Stability!" Hmmm...I think she's right, people!

I heart stability! I don't need to rock the boat...for what? I've had the same phone number for 10+ years- I don't know why I hold loyalty to the phone company...they don't provide excellent service, drop calls all the time, their phones are expensive and of no use to me outside of the US..the list of cons goes on. But I stay! I've lived and worked in the same place for the last 6.5 years. The only reason I have a new car is because I had to and even then managed to get a newer version of my previous car-same make, model, and even color!

My world does not change - if I go on vacation, it's because someone prodded me. Routine and schedules are my friends. If I do pick up something new, it will soon become a part of my routine! It is said that good girls rarely make history. Yeah if the history makers were like me, there wouldn't be much to talk about...and we would be stuck in a backwards world!

My desire for stability spans all the different avenues: financial, emotional, relational, etc. I am quite frugal, and that has helped me not spend money on frivilous things (ok not a lot, I mean what do I need all these black shoes for?) . I tend to keep friends for life, or at least try. For my own emotions, I'm fair even keeled. Though those who know me will say I am high strung, ah, I am generally a happy person.

Now I'm not knocking  my firm desire for stability. It is a survival mechanism that has afforded me freedom and peace. But now it has also become a safety blanket; a perceived security. And as a result I find myself stuck in a rut!

So now what? What is a goodytwoshoes-don'trocktheboat-noI'mokrighthere-Icancope to do?

What are you holding onto that's holding you back? What have you done to shake up your world and start digging out of your rut. What chances have you taken on yourself?

I would love to hear your thoughts...meanwhile, I am changing things up; learning spontaneity, ignoring schedules and living in the moment!

Half-stepping diva

Consistently challenged

Ella maneja una carro!

Yes I know that means absolutely  nothing to you, even if you speak Spanish. You see, I decided to add Spanish to my language bank and have invested in Rosetta Stone®, which has promised me that I don’t have to worry about useless memorizations. I am guaranteed to start speaking my language of choice in a few short sessions.

 

I’d say the folks at Rosetta Stone® are right…there are no useless memorizations, though I’m not quite sure learning how to say “She is driving a car” before I learn how to count in Spanish is particularly useful, but hey, I’m with this program..no problemo!

 

The part they leave out, is that regardless of how good a program is, consistency is absolutely important to be successful. When I started with my Spanish lessons, I dedicated about 30 minutes daily to it. This was soon cut down to 20 min, then 15 min, and well I haven’t opened up the software in at least 3 months, maybe more. I still remember ella maneja una carro and that los gatos means cats, but I can’t string any words to make any sense. I’m still quite Spanish illiterate.

 

I’ve found in my world as a 30 something year old, the need for constant consistencies in order to see something happen/change. The most simplified example has been working towards my weight loss and fitness goals.  It’s required consistent effort and when I’ve strayed  have immediately seen my hard work poof into thin air!

Even with my blog entries, I have been inconsistent in the last few weeks. I learned from other bloggers to set a schedule that included specific time for blogging and had been keeping up. Then, life happened and then more life happened, and before I realize, hello July!

 

For me, it’s generally a vicious cycle…when I achieve a mark towards my goal, I feel completely empowered and “reward” myself by not being so disciplined and soon enough, I erase my achievement. If, on the other hand, I don’t get anywhere after trying for "some time", I get discouraged and give it up, determining it wasn’t mine to begin with. In either case, the consistent effort dissipates and we’re right back where we started.

 

Career & Financial stability

30 something year olds often find themselves defining their careers and taking steps towards it. For those in the arts such as actors, consistency is the key to success and working towards a career really means consistently acting, or painting or drawing etc. For other careers consistency means going back to school, or finishing school.  In all cases, creating our brand as hardworking achieving go-getters requires that we are consistent in the excellence we produce at our workplaces.    

Family life

Many 30 something year olds have fairly new marriage life and sometimes children. Consistency for them means working daily with a partner towards common goals, creating consistent habits for children such as teaching them to sleep in their own beds, potty training, mealtime habits, homework etc. For others, consistency means building/sustaining relationships and finding ways to connect with new people.

Spiritual life

As we seek growth, many of us work on strengthening our spiritual walk and aligning ourselves with a specific religion. Many of them require consistent efforts in prayer, reading, or attending services.

Health & Fitness

We are all acutely aware of our health and what role we play in achieving optimal health. Many of us have set goals to healthy eating, which might mean cooking healthy meals, or learning how to cook, and avoiding junk food.  Many of us also have weight loss goals, increasing physical activity and adding a sustainable exercise regimen to our daily lives.

We all need to be able to consistently move towards what we want…until our goal is met, no matter how many tries it takes and how often we fail.

 

Here are some tips to stay consistent

1.       Set realistic goals. Getting to the gym 5 days a week is not a big deal for me…I just have me to take care of. For you parents and people that take care of other people, this might not particularly be realistic.

2.       Set baby goals. Maybe the goal is to make a big purchase. Start with saving a set amount per week ($5) and work your way up to a bigger amount per week ($20)  

3.       Don’t let yourself off the hook. I’ll do it tomorrow is a statement that's as useful for a goal as “5 more minutes”. I know for a fact that if my plan is to do it tomorrow, somehow and quite magically tomorrow never shows up or when he does its usually in about 3 months or a year.

4.       Forgive yourself for slip ups. Consistency does require every something. Be it every day, every week, every hour…whatever the case, if you do slip up, let it go and keep going. Don’t beat yourself up for a simple human behavior. Keep pushing.

5.       Just do it...now! Nike® had the right idea with this tag line. Consistency means nothing if you don’t actually start working towards your goal. So just do it..whatever you’ve been waiting to do, just do it. Do you want to go back to school, learn something new, make new friends, get a new job, learn a new sport, have children? Just do whatever it takes to get you there.

 

She's still half-stepping!

 

Half-stepping Diva

 

Loving You

Oh lawdie! I don fell off the bandwagon...and it backed up and rolled over me! over and over again! Ok, dramatics, but I did fall off and have lost my consistency in my dietary choices and it shows!

Since I have gotten to a more manageable weight, I decided to keep going and made a goal of discovering/building some ab muscles. You know, I purport to still carrying around some baby fat...no, not from having a baby...from when I was a baby 30 something years ago! And since I have been lackadaisical about my eating habits and my efforts in the gym, my potential for a 6 pack has expanded into the potential for a keg. Ok, still a bit dramatic, but my magic number of 35 inches around my mid section is slowly becoming a thing of the past. And this sister is not happy whatsoever about that!

As a 30 something year old woman I am definitely aware of how my appearance affects my daily interactions. I have used my perception of my body and/ or how it looks in clothes as a block to some things that I have wanted to do. Sometimes while getting ready to go out, I'd get so frustrated with my appearance that I simply would not go. Or decide against making plans in the first place because I didn't want to face the lying 3 way mirror in the dressing room, which has a sole purpose of seeking rolls of fat and putting it on magnified display. Though sometimes trivial, our appearance can be a stumbling block in our confidence and how we portray ourselves. And women are not the only ones who do not always feel confident about our appearance...it's a human thing that also affects our 30 something year old brothers as well...some of them are just better at not caring as much!

So once again, I'm resolving to consistency in my eating. I had cut out all added sugar (blog entry about how I finally lost the weight is coming soon!) but have slowly worked it back in my diet. So, back to what has worked, and focus on sculpting the muscles that I see trying to take shape. But above all those things, I am resolving to love my body no matter what she looks like!

I've recently been reminded of life's realities and with that, the importance of love, starting with love for all of me..including the silver hairs forming at my temples, my "athletic" build, my interestingly shaped toes and all those fat rolls that seem to only appear when I need to feel my best. I must love all of it. We often find faults with our body and harp on it, whether it's the acne that make us look 12 rather than 30 something, the extra body hairs that make us think of our Auntie Sally's mustache, premature graying, skinny legs, baldness, man boobs, a crooked smile or whatever we think should look better in order for us to feel great. But these are all the things that make us who we are and we often do not have control over them - no matter how hard I try, I will not grow past the 5'7" at which I currently stand (in fact, I might shrink as I get older!)

So as I chase the appearance for which I've been working so hard, I will continue to love me and not be so quick to criticize and demean myself. All of me is perfect. Period.

Half-stepping Diva

What is you waiting for?

It doesn't take very long for 30 something year olds to realize that life is whatever we make of it. We actually have to get up and do something if we want it. It often starts after school when we learn that we have to actually apply for a job, attend interviews and hopefully get employed. If we want a spouse, we have to go out there and meet someone (if we haven't already), court and then work our way towards marriage. There is no longer a wait and it'll happen...whatever we want, we must pursue.

Most of us understand this concept in its broad sense. I mean, there are very few people at this stage of life waiting for someone to offer them a job just because their name is John or Mary, but somehow we find a way to wait for life to happen in other aspects of our world.

How often we do hear, I am waiting until X happens before I do Y. One of the most common ones that I hear involves weight loss. Many 30 something year olds would like to accomplish something that requires physical and mental dedication....so once they lose the extra pounds, they will train for a 5K. Or some of us afraid to work out in public and prefer to wait until we've lost the weight before joining a gym. In some cases, we are in pursuit of spirituality and religious knowledge, but want to wait until we have our minds right before pursuing a religious affiliation. My favorite of all times come from our 30 something year old brothers who want to "get their lives together" before pursuing a relationship or before taking the next step in a relationship. What are we really waiting for?

Life waits for no one. Many of us have attended enough funerals or heard about the passing of very young people to realize that there is no time to wait. Whether it's a new career, a chance at romance or pursuing our dreams, there is no time to wait. My mother always reminded  me not to put off to tomorrow what I can do today. And I think of that daily.

I often find myself in a place of comfort, not wanting to leave the perceived stability of my current, in  pursuit of what could be, or not be. And thereby miss out on a chance for something to change. Many 30 something year olds find ourselves stuck in a rut because we are waiting; for something to happen, for something to change or get better. Meanwhile, the hours are passing into days and soon enough years.

Do not wait for your skin to clear up before becoming more comfortable with your beautiful face. Do not wait to lose weight before pursuing anything, be it a date, clothes, love, job interviews etc. Do not wait for circumstances to be perfect before you take a chance at love. Do not wait for someone else to see the world, to go to the gym, to try that new restaurant, to see a play, to lose weight etc. Do not wait for a specific day/holiday before you do what you like. Do not wait for your bank account to reach a certain number to pursue what you really want to do. Do not wait to be less busy to spend time with people, or do things you've always wanted to do. Do not wait for the right circumstances to go back to school or pursue your career. Do not wait for the best circumstances to have children. Do not wait for a partner to be all that you can be.  And do not wait for the "right" time to tell those you love how you feel...the time may never come.

The Dreadmill

In my Getting Started  post, I talked about being on the treadmill and how I started slowly and then built it up and was finally able to run for 5 miles. What a successful story of triumph over the treadmill and the gym....And flowers and rainbows and unicorns and yeaaaa, if only it were that simple.

Oh the treadmill, how I love/detest thee! I decided to use the treadmill as my starting point at the gym. It was an old and familiar friend that had gotten me to my weight loss goals in the past so it was easy to hop on and run walk.

At the beginning, I didn't think it would be very difficult. Though I wasn't in shape, it was something that I had done before. How out of shape could I really be?! Well I soon found out that I couldn't pass a high school PE class! Initially, this didn't bother me very  much, until I spotted all the forty, fifty, sixty and seventy year olds going at a faster pace. Goodness gracious, how embarrassing!

I started paying attention to my fellow competitors, I mean gym members. There was a huge variety of them and many like myself, favored the treadmill. I observed that some of them would cover the display screen with a magazine or towel, some would read the entire time (how could they do that and run?!), others would get on the treadmill and simply run, while others came with their gym buddies and spent  more time talking than walking. One guy in particular would come in, hop on the treadmill and run at a dizzying speed for about 30 to 45 min and then leave. Oh how I wanted to have that talent!

It's a Mental Thang
Armed with my observations, I put together my own version of my treadmill experience. I would usually start with a 2 minute walk to warm up. The first few minutes of running after that were the most difficult. If I could get my mind to push through, it was easy enough to complete the workout. I also started to understand why folks covered the display screen. I would be huffing and puffing on the treadmill, having beaten the first few minutes and convinced myself to stay on, only to look down and find out that I had only be on there for a total of 6 minutes and still had about 24 whole long minutes to go! My feet would feel like bricks and I would instantly feel completely tired!

Running on a motorized platform that was not going anywhere soon got old and required major mental muscle to stay on. I found distractions that kept me running. I had noticed a sign that was posted in front of my machine of choice (yes by this time I had a specific machine that I preferred and would wander around the gym until it became available).  The sign was simple enough: it alerted gym members that there was  time limit for treadmill use and referred members to a wait list at the front desk if all treadmills were in use. I noticed that the second treadmill in the sign had 3 L's instead of 2 and this became my focus to get through my runs. I would start running and immediately want to quit and look at the sign, chuckle a bit to myself and then stare it down for the remainder of the time, willing the 3rd L to disappear.


When this technique would not work, I would stare out the window in front of me and count the number of cars that went by. Or if there were children playing basketball, I would keep score for them or cheer for them as they developed their skills on the court. I also learned to trick my brain by convincing myself that once I had completed 50% or 60% or 75% of the workout, I could walk. Once I got to the agreed upon point, I would talk myself into finishing it. 

Once I became comfortable with the treadmill, I started competitive running. Well, ok, I competed with whomever was on the treadmill to them, unknown to them of course. I would slyly glance over to see their speed and at least match it, often times cranking mine up towards the end to beat them. That attempt to keep up would spur me on and I would often hit faster speeds than I intended just so that I can "beat" them!


Endurance
As I kept challenging my heart on the treadmill, I started noticing that it would take me a bit longer to get it racing. I also noticed that I didn't wear out as quickly doing other exercises.

 

HIIT

Since then I've learned how to be more efficient on the treadmill. I added a burst at the end of each run to challenge my heart: I started around 7.0 mph and have gone up to 9.5 mph. I also use the High Intensity Interval Training technique to burn maximum fat in the shortest period of time.  I start with a 2-3 minute warm up (walk), followed by 2 minutes at 6.7 mph, 40 sec at 7.5 mph and 20 sec at 9.0 mph and then 2 min rest at 3.0-4.0 mph and then repeat it. I do about 3-5 sets of this for a total of 15-25 minutes. This technique can be done at any level; the key is to find a goal speed and work towards it.   

 

Though I found the treadmill to be a dread, it became the starting point for my come back into fitness. With the newfound endurance I'm able to push myself in all my workouts. The weight loss I experienced as a result of the treadmill helped build my confidence to keep working on my fitness and weight loss goals.

 

Lessons learned

1. Just run: whether it's on the treadmill or out in the open, just run (jog) or walk if that's what works

2. It takes a time and consistent effort to build endurance. Lack of consistency will require restarting each time. 

3. Like anything in life, if you believe it, you can make great friends with the treadmill

4. Distracting yourself on the treadmill can allow you to push through an especially tough workout

5. A little friendly competition is good for your heart

6. HIIT is an efficient way to maximize your workout, it can be done on the treadmill or really with any cardio workout.

7. The treadmill is a good starting point, as well as a great part of a workout at any level.

 

Did you see what this guy does on the treadmill?! Anything to keep you going!

 

 

Half-stepping diva

What's in a name?

Half-stepping diva?  Say huh?  For those of you who know me, you know I’m hardly a diva. Well, on most days, anyway. I chose the name half-stepping diva because I find myself half-stepping…very often. Tiana who blogs on www.thinkingstilletos.com, discusses being a procrastinating perfectionist.  And I must say that those two words describe me absolutely perfectly. In my mind, I want everything as perfect as possible. Most times I actually try to make that happen. In reality, I like to wait until the last possible moment to make the perfectionism manifest…usually with highly dismal results.

 In the last few months in seriously examining my life, I realized that I live in a lukewarm world. I am neither hot nor cold about most things, and have been skating through life in survival mode so much that I have landed in the world of “I can go either way”. I realized I have been half-stepping. I always admired people in college who could play hard and work hard. On Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays and sometimes Sundays, they would be out enjoying the world through a bottle, the dance floor and maybe a companion. For the rest of the week, they managed to stay at the top of their class. Me, I was never out during the week, spent moderate time partying, and came up with lukewarm grades.  

As I am still a perfectionist, I strive for the best hoping to at least break even and often settle for less than I’m worth…still half-stepping. I am quite conservative, but very much a liberal…nope not a moderate, but rather a conservative liberal. I think big, dream big, and want more…only when I allow myself to think, dream or want…actions which are apparently needed to achieve more…still half-stepping.

In all of it, I have managed to accomplish a bit. I moved to a new country and into a completely new system as a teenager, suffered through living in suburban Ohio, went to college and graduated with two degrees and then worked on a Masters in one of the largest cities in the U.S. I have been at the same job for almost five years. I’ve been fairly accomplished despite my half-stepping tendencies.

So, as I have been created for excellence, I need to work out of this neither here nor there attitude. This blog is to help me remember this and to work towards being a woman of excellence.  Working through mediocrity means fighting complacency, staying focused, increasing strength (mental, physical & spiritual), and seeing projects all the way through to the end…no longer half-stepping.  

Half-stepping Diva