Sudden Impact

I am on the market for a new car...Why? Because a fellow driver was "startled" by another driver and run into my baby. I was minding my own business at a traffic light, waiting for the signal to proceed, instead found myself waiting for a sudden impact that rocked my car and my nerves, sending me in a period of utter lack of control wondering when it would all end. Right after impact, my adrenaline kicked in so high; my thoughts so clear I could have passed the MCAT! I hopped out to see what in the world had possessed someone to cause a 4 car pile-up 1 block from home!

The last two weeks have been filled with gratitude that the damage was only to my car; it could have been much worse. I've talked to more people than I care to, thought through various scenarios including what could have been done differently and more importantly working towards correcting the results of this sudden impact.

So far this experience has been a very expensive inconvenience, but it's not the end of the world. But it has me thinking about severe sudden impacts in our lives that cause us to go into a tailspin, losing utter control and trying to right ourselves.

At some point in our lives we can be impacted by something that happens suddenly and unexpectedly with life-changing consequences. When these things happen we are required to immediately assess the situation, see what can be salvaged and take actions to get our lives back.

The challenge is to find a renewed life that includes enough components of the old life, while showing progress and growth from the experience. Many of us never fully recover from our sudden impacts and like the loss of a limp feel the constant presence of what used to be. Sometimes the impact is so severe that when we find ourselves again are only a hollow shell of what we used to be.

We cannot prepare for all of tomorrow's possibilities. When life happens and we are suddenly impacted, it takes a few moments; be it hours, days, or  years to work through and accept our new situation. Without such acceptance we cannot work towards a new walk. Once accepted, we have to believe that the new version of our lives will be at least just as good as the old, and might even possibly get better if we work towards betterment. And of course we must take actions to ensure that the impact does not have an indelible imprint with bitter consequences, which is what happens when fear steps in and takes  hold.

I've found that processing through a sudden impact is often enhanced by prayer, my writing and spending time with encouraging loved ones. Many friends and loved ones have provided me perspective about the accident. I have also talked to friends who are experienced in the dealings with insurance and with car dealerships.  As the dust is setting and everyone is returning to their normal lives, I am assessing what is salvageable and finding my new normal. The car is definitely totaled, and has to be replaced. My new normal is a new or new to me car which has to be purchased very shortly. I am taking concerted and specific actions towards replacing my car by talking to friends in the car dealership business as well as friends who have purchased cars recently and going for test drives and talking to the car dealerships.

So like my mom says, live in the living present; we can't erase sudden impacts, but can ensure their impacts leave us better than before. Fight for a normalcy that includes joy and happiness. Our focus on our lives must be the pursuit of happy living and not just a mere life of survival.


Have you gone through a sudden impact? How have you dealt with it? I would love to hear some of your ways to righting your world.

Happy living, everyone!

Half-stepping Diva

The Facebook Life

Ooh boy! Grandma is on Facebook®! And she actually updates her status and shares pictures and posts! What has the world come to?! Somehow in the midst of all the conflicts and turmoils, all the political and religious rantings, all the family drama and all of life's disappointments, we all agree on one thing....that we like the world to know what's going on in our lives...especially when things are going really well! Facebook® is proof that humans cannot live in isolation..we need each other. I personally spend several hours daily scrolling through and checking up on friends, loved ones and folks that I frankly never thought I would encounter again. Quite a bit of my energy goes into admiring pictures, occasionally even commenting and just reading up on other folks' world. It's the voyeur in all of us....even when folks post wayyy too much information we still feel quite inclined to be a part of it...afterall if you're putting it out there, I might as well share it.

I also believe that a part of Facebook®success is because it is only a representation of our lives...and most of the time, it is the good part of our lives. Have you ever "reunited" with a long lost friend only to find that they are doing better than you? In fact according to their Facebook® page, they are doing much much better than you! Many of us use Facebook® like telephones were intended. and instead of just calling our closest friend to tell them the news, we call a 1000 friends. Ok really...do we really know a 1000 people or are we just collecting potential status updates? I am always amazed about how much turmoil there is in the world...but yet per Facebook® everything is just peachy. Sure you'll occasionally have a rant or two or a post that gets folks riled up, but for the most part we only share the really great parts of our world.

The result? Quite a number of us walk around feeling highly insecure about our own problems. What would they say if they found out that my life is not as peachy as theirs? Would they think less of me? I must be doing something wrong if I can't do like they are doing! Another group of us are resentful. Everyone else seems to have a fabulous life except me! I have encountered many people who really believe that folks around them do not have any problems...or at least not serious problems like they do. It is easy to look at our shortcomings and be hard on ourselves, blame someone else because we don't measure up to someone's facebook life.

The truth though is that we all have problems. Everyone including the happiest person on this earth has a story and many chapters in our book of life end tragically, or sadly or in anger. It is not always a walk in the park despite what our Facebook® status says.

I've had the privilege of having deep conversations with folks from different walks of life and it's always the same story...something impactful has happened in their lives, and this thing still influences their lives..5, 10, 20 or even 50 years after it happened. I've had many conversations with my adopted grandmother and she recounts stories of her childhood like it happened yesterday. She recalls the pain she experienced and how it influenced her life...even till today at age 80. No matter how great it looks on paper or on the internet, we all have a sad story to tell.

So, I try to open up and tell others about my hurts and my pain and also about my triumphs. We all need hope in our lives. I pray my story will have an impact on theirs...make them see that life is a great struggle for all of us. And after I scroll through all the news of new babies, new spouses, new jobs, new friends and amazing lives, I go back to my world, my truth and my reality, remembering that those posts are only an itsy bit of those folks' lives. There's more of them to be discovered outside of their Facebook® lives.

Half-stepping diva