What about your friends?

This week I had the chance to talk about a friend. I’ve known him forever…at least since we were in elementary school. We’ve kept in touch pretty much since, not necessarily on a regular basis, but here and there and as major life events happened. So when given the chance to provide information about my friend, I felt pretty confident that I could provide good, solid information.

And then the questions started. I sat with a blank stare, trying to remember the year I met him..was  it 5^th grade, 6^th, 2^nd grade? Hmmm ok next question, where has he lived…em…in his house? Where did he attend school? University? Degree? Em, em, em, em, how many…ok stop! This is my friend! I should know the answers to all these questions! But one after the other, I was left mumbling, trying to figure out if I could draw answers, mixing up his life with the lives of others in our cohort. Wow, I guess I don’t remember as much as I should!

Now I can say I’m a big picture kind of person. I tend to take a global perspective and ignore the little bits that make it happen. Of course since I’m complicated, in many situations like when I’m helping coordinate an event or editing, I become overly concerned with the itty bitty tiny details and often lose sight of the big picture. But I guess when it comes to my friendships at some point some of the details get replaced. As I interact with more people, the specific information about individuals mostly fade into the  background! I'm not sure if this is a good thing, but it was rather startling to realize how much I did not know/remember about many other friends, many of whom I relate to, very closely.

30 something year olds, not unlike 3 year olds, make lots of connections; on the job, at social events, religious gatherings, etc. In fact, it is imperative to keep connected to people of various backgrounds and trades as we ourselves climb up our career or social ladders - It really is about who you know. It's necessary to send a quick hallo every once in a while to that friend from college, as much as it is to stay in touch with your ace boon.

Many of us now rely on Facebook® to help us keep tabs on our friends. We often don't even reach out, just take a look at pictures or posts and say awww. We feel very informed about their lives based on the snippets that they share on social media. Our Facebook® friends list doesn't match our phone numbers list at all...and we have quickly grown accustomed to living life in this world of oversharing only a small part of what we are experiencing...much of it scripted and hollow.

So with this new realization, I am taking a closer look at my inner circle and trying to remember details about their lives - I might have to ask them a few questions! I recognize that I can't keep all details about everyone, but I should be able to answer questions about those that I hold dear to my heart!  

A quick exercise for you:
Who are your close friends (not counting significant others and blood related family)?
What do they currently do at their job/school?
What level of education have they completed?
If university level educated, what degree(s) have they completed?
Where have they lived in the last 10 years (cities/countries)?
What do they like to do for fun?
When was the last time you talked to them?


I would love to know what you learned. Please comment below and share!

Half-stepping diva

You have a Friend in Me

A couple of months ago, my jolly friendly parking attendant was replaced by two strangers. They were rude and they did not understand the arrangement that I had previously made with the other attendant and attendants before him. I found them generally annoying and had to keep myself from uttering names under my breathe after interacting with them. In fact when I drove into the parking lot, I often thought, ooh I have to deal with tweedle dee and tweedle dum. I felt that because they refused to understand me, they were intent on simply making my parking time unbearable. I was highly unpleased with them.

Then one day it hit me that these two are probably someone's father and possibly grandfathers. I saw one of them pull into the parking lot shortly afterwards and he had a Marines sticker on his car. I started noticing various things about the men that made them less...annoying.  I decided to adjust my attitude and the next morning, like I'd done with the previous attendant, I waved to them when I drove in and said a cheery good morning when I handed them my payment. The next day I noticed they waved first as I entered the parking lot and we exchanged greetings. All of a sudden my painful interaction had became a friendly place. With a simple attitude shift, I had made new friends.

I remember going to the market with my mom as a kid and she seemed to know soo many people! We would generally leave the house around 5 am to get the freshest vegetables...it was usually too early to be coherent let alone friendly, but my mom made her stops around the market and talked to her "friends". I learned as I got older that these women were virtually strangers to her, but for the purposes of her shopping experience, they were her friends. They had little nicknames for her and she always had something to tease them about.

We tend to treat people differently once they lose the mystical strangeness about them. During traffic my anger quickly dissipates if the person that just cut me off turns out to be someone I know. This has happened on several occasions with friends and coworkers who were just in a hurry. I've dismissed it with justifications of inattentiveness, which is generally unlike the irritation I feel towards all the other strangers on the road. We tend to forgive faster and not get so worked up when there is a connection with the other person.

I find that making this application to all aspects of my life can be very beneficial. Of course I do not have to trust everyone I encounter or make friends with everyone, but by seeing others as people and not barriers, harmful creatures of the other world or roadblocks in life, I can get to my destination with so much less stress and anguish.

Park Geun-hye

So a few weeks ago when I drove into the parking lot, I asked one of the gentleman whose name I now know, what's new, as  he was reading the newspaper. He informed me that South Korea had just sworn in a new president...and she's a woman. Wow! I learned something new.

Half-stepping diva

November 15: Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift that's why it's called present

I have been mulling over starting a blog for quite a while. And it recently hit me, what better time to officially “launch” it than November 15.  This date of course holds some significance for me. This is the birthday of one of my dearest friends who was taken away way too soon. It’s been about 5 years since his passing…and I’ve had a lot of time to reflect, pray and cry about losing someone very close to me. So I figured on what would have been his 33^rd birthday which falls on Thursday (day he was born) it would be fitting to celebrate a new phase of my journey by sharing a bit more of me with the world. He would have been so proud of this blog and probably have been the first person to log on to comment. He was one of my most vocal cheerleaders and always encouraged me to go to higher grounds.  

We were friends from childhood and he was the first boy to give me butterflies. When I moved from Ghana, he wrote to me and often. We talked on the phone whenever we could. We shared a love of music and he sent me CDs of the latest music in Ghana whenever he could. He was instrumental during my high school years…encouraging me to stay strong regardless of what I was experiencing and how difficult it was for me to adjust to my new world. In college he kept up with the letters and phone calls. During this time we got closer…after some time apart. We were both growing up and experiencing different phases of our lives. Being four years older meant that he experienced life before I did and got to give me advice as to how to manipulate through my world. Thanks to technology, we were able to keep in touch with emails and more regular phone calls. I was in grad school when he died. Less than a week before his passing we had chatted online…the last thing we exchanged before he logged off was “I love you”. This has been a very reassuring part of me losing my friend…he knew I love him.

Since then I have lost few other loved ones…each time it was even more difficult to accept that I would never talk to them or see them again.

Losing my friend taught me quite a bit. We had been friends for so long and many times I took our friendship for granted. After he passed and I started to mourn his loss, I realized that my tears of sadness  had become tears of regret…I was really crying because I regretted not spending more time with him or talking more to him or whatever else I could come up with. That feeling impressed on me so much more than realizing that I had lost him. I could accept that it was God’s will and that he was in a better place. But I struggled with the idea that I hadn’t done more as a friend.

This ushered me into a place of growth…I realized that life really is too short and I could not afford living in regret. This meant that I had to take others into consideration in all my actions. If anything were to happen to them, I could not afford to be regretful about the way I treated them. This meant spending more time with people I love, being positive around them, taking care of them, and loving them with all of me. My goal with all the connections I have made is to give them my best.

Gift from Yao in 1998

It has been very challenging to constantly do the right thing. But I’ve learned to forgive faster, laugh more, love harder and work on being in the present. I’ve been blessed to meet a lot of people…many of whom I’ve had a solid connection. I hope to continue building friendships, relationships and of course grow from my interactions with so many wonderful people.

So Yao, this blog is dedicated to you. Thank you for being such a friend to me. Thanks for being my first valentine…you’ll always be my valentine.  Even though you passed on our favorite holiday, I will always celebrate Valentine ’s Day with love in my heart. And I will continue to share my love with all the special people around me.  Happy birthday, sweetie. Much love always.   

Half-stepping diva