How to get back on the horse

For the last few, ahem, months, I’ve thought almost daily about my blog. I’ve started quite a few blog posts – in my head, of course, but often found the usual blog chattering had been replaced with silence. 

As the months rolled together, I’ve thought about how to get back into it – I started a new site which would feature my new brand and a new concept; I redefined my blogging space several times. I then decided that in order to prevent another writing hiatus, I had to have at least four blog posts ready to be published. But what actually happened? I didn’t ever finish the new website, abandoning it at the first sight of an obstacle; my redefinition fell flat, and well, I don’t have the four posts ready to go.

This week, a friend unexpectedly asked me about my blog; and I had to resist my usual defensiveness and just reveal that well I’ve fallen off the horse and stayed fallen. I promised him that I’ll have a blog published by the end of the week.

Once I fell out of habit, I decided that my "comeback" needed bells and whistles; it had to be “extra special” to excuse my inaction. When we trip and stray, we create multiple roadblocks that keep us further from our goals and justify our inability, insecurity, lack of commitment, shifted priorities etc or whatever it was that tripped us up.  

So what are the steps involved in getting back on the horse?

Step 1: Get back on the horse

Step 2: Gallop and keep going

I've been reminded that the best thing we can do for ourselves is literally to just do it; there's no need to find a new horse, or adorn the old, find a new stepping stool, or as my pastor said today, pray about it.

So here I go, getting back on this horse; writing and sharing me. Thank you for your support!

Still halfstepping!

Half-stepping Diva

Desserts spelled backwards

So in the last few weeks, let's see what's been going on in my world. Weird sleep schedule (sleep late, oversleep, sleepy in the middle of the day) check; mindless activities - watching movies all day, constantly playing with my hair check; mindless eating usually prefaced by a little (ok big!) chocolate binge check, starting things, but never finishing check; feeling overwhelmed check; feeling unmotivated check; Fatigue check; Restlessness check; suddenly needing to do all the mundane tasks I've put off check (well, half check because I start and realize I have no interest). Uh-oh I think I am stressed out!

With deadlines approaching, projects looming, endless checklists, pending exams/tests, addition of new family members, planning weddings, planning anything and wanting to get this and that done, we're bound to feel stressed out from time to time. Some of us are in a perpetual state of stress and don't really know life any other way. We're often caught in the middle of work expectations, deadlines, family expectations and many things that just keep us in a constant state of ON. Our ability to deal with our stress goes a long way to a healthy heart and certainly a healthy life.

OM-Times Magazine

Stress is inevitable, and although we experience it at different levels, we’re all bound to feel the tightness in our chest and the complete loss of control at some point.  So since I have finally stilled the noises in my head (at least for now), I thought it would be appropriate to discuss some of the things I should have done and some of the things I’ve been doing to get me through this itty bitty stressful time.

Recognize stress: My brain/body likes to keep me protected and does not tell me I’m experiencing stress. I often realize it when my sleep pattern changes or I notice that I’m reaching for sugary foods in great amounts. I’ve realized that I generally suppress stress and I’m about a week into it before I realize what’s going on. Dealing with stress well means recognizing the signs of stress. Think about it, what are some of the things you do when you're stressed out? 

Food: I’ve gone through a shameful amount of chocolate in the last two weeks and barely remember eating any of it. Many of us are comforted by food while stressed out. For some sugar provides that comfort, for others, salt. Either group is not particularly good for our bodies and certainly not for the stress. This CNN article describes the best foods to eat when we are experiencing stress and includes: blueberries, seeds (pumpkin, flax, sunflower etc), cashews, turkey, spinach, milk, pistachios, oatmeal, salmon, avocado, yogurt and dark chocolate (one square). Hmmm no ice cream in sight!

Physical activity: While many of us want to just sit and maybe sleep and hope the stressor will just go away, it is actually very healthy to move when we are experiencing stress. With blood pumping throughout our bodies, shuttling away cortisol and distributing the surge of many feel good hormones, movement is a great way to de-stress. This includes walking, running, dancing, sex, lifting weights, boxing, etc.  
Life's best medicine: Laughter definitely gets me through stressful times. It can be difficult to see humor in anything when we are stressed out, but laughter can sometimes be the thing that gets us over the hump. Watching something funny can be a great stress relief, or better yet calling up that loved one that you know will have you in stitches in no time!

Life's other medicine: There's something about music that is just so soothing to the stressed soul. When stress sets in, I turn off my TV and upsetting news, and plug into some soulful, joyful and uplifting music.

Mindfulness & Deep breathing: When I'm stressed out, I tend to engage in a lot of mindlessness. It's like my brain wants to shut down completely so as not to deal with the stress and apparently anything else. But becoming focused is a great way to deal with stress. It causes us to really look at what our stressor is and figure out what to do to overcome it. It is also good to take in deep breaths, which forces an increased amount of oxygen into our lungs and helps slow down our heartbeat and causes us to relax. Yoga is a fabulous activity to accomplish both of these as the practice requires mindfulness and focus on breathing.

Socialize: No, this doesn’t mean you should stay up chatting with friends instead of studying for that big exam! But it helps when we “vent” or talk about the thing that is causing us stress. Many of us find ourselves in isolation during stressful moments, partly because we are cranky, but often because we just can’t be bothered. However, in stressful situations, it can be useful to have discussions with like-minded people that can help sort through your head and help explore solutions, if that’s what’s required. Of course, it’s prudent to pick people that will not exacerbate your stress by unloading on you!

Writing: I often write out my thoughts to help still the discontented, disjointed, dis-everything thoughts that come up when I’m stressed out. I find the very act of writing things out shows me plainly what I need to do. A clear mind is definitely a great way to better decisions.

There are many other things to do to relieve stress. Sometimes it’s a matter of getting some fresh air and a new perspective. Sometimes it takes cleaning up our space so that we can see things clearly. Other times we just need to reset and take a quick break from the madness of our world. I often find that prayer also helps!

So how do you de-stress? Let me know!

Smiling
Half-stepping diva

Curvy motivations

OH EM GEE! What is happening?!
I grabbed a pair of dress pants today…they look like I’m wearing leggings! When did this happen? Where was I?

So it’s official…I’ve fallen off the bandwagon completely…in fact I think the wagon left me and is currently in Timbuktu. So since my last post about leading a sugar free diet and working towards my goals, I have had a birthday celebration which was pretty low key in terms of my sugar intake. Then I went on vacation for a few weeks for mom’s cooking. This was also overall sugar free vacation. But what has happened in my mean time is that my food portions have grown along with the unhealthiness  of my food. I pretty much ate fried foods for 3 weeks and didn’t keep up with my usually intense exercise regimen. I slept quite a bit…well I was on vacation and it didn’t take long for me to see the heaviness in my face and everywhere else.

The plan to lose it soon as I got back has flown out the window because something is different this time around…I have become more self-conscious.
 
Weight loss is great for improving self-esteem and making us feel good when we can fit into our clothes, healthy benefits etc, but it can also come at the expense of certain things to which we have become accustomed. Recently we have seen pictures of people’s real post-weight loss pictures, showing excess skin hanging from various parts of their body. For me, I realized that I did not have my curves. In fact, I posted a picture on Facebook and while folks said, oooh good job, a friend noticeably commented “nooooo, what happened to the boobs?!” Yup all gone.
 
I did not realize just how much I was attached to my curves and how it oriented me as a woman. During this past year I had decided that not carrying around a pot belly trumped curves and was willing to look like a pre-pubescent 15 year old boy if it meant I found six-pack abs! And I was headed there. The abs did start to show; and when I lost fat, I lost it everywhere. I often had to pep talk myself when I would see in the mirror that my booty was looking mighty flat. I mean my clothes were fitting so much better and my overall health had improved, so what did I really have to complain about?
 
But now that fried foods have led me to remember my curvy body, it has become completely hard to let it go and work towards my goals. In the last few months I’ve tried to get back into the groove, watching my calories and working out, but am soon reminded of new weight and ah well, just let me be.

So I find myself at the end of the year, 10 lbs heavier than I was same time last year. This time around I know exactly what to do to work it off, but completely unmotivated, or rather highly motivated by my curves.

I have spoken to many others who have this same fear, of not feeling sexy enough after weight loss. In fact, I often hear folks being told they have lost too much weight and need to eat...thereby sending them into reverse mode and slowly undoing all their work.

I'm not entirely sure how to proceed; I want to be a healthy, meaning no excess visceral (stomach area) fat, fit, with a BMI in the "normal" range. But I also want to look in the mirror and see a hollow version of myself. How have you dealt with the challenges of weight loss? What have you done to motivate yourself to get back with the plan? 

 Half-stepping diva

What about your friends?

This week I had the chance to talk about a friend. I’ve known him forever…at least since we were in elementary school. We’ve kept in touch pretty much since, not necessarily on a regular basis, but here and there and as major life events happened. So when given the chance to provide information about my friend, I felt pretty confident that I could provide good, solid information.

And then the questions started. I sat with a blank stare, trying to remember the year I met him..was  it 5^th grade, 6^th, 2^nd grade? Hmmm ok next question, where has he lived…em…in his house? Where did he attend school? University? Degree? Em, em, em, em, how many…ok stop! This is my friend! I should know the answers to all these questions! But one after the other, I was left mumbling, trying to figure out if I could draw answers, mixing up his life with the lives of others in our cohort. Wow, I guess I don’t remember as much as I should!

Now I can say I’m a big picture kind of person. I tend to take a global perspective and ignore the little bits that make it happen. Of course since I’m complicated, in many situations like when I’m helping coordinate an event or editing, I become overly concerned with the itty bitty tiny details and often lose sight of the big picture. But I guess when it comes to my friendships at some point some of the details get replaced. As I interact with more people, the specific information about individuals mostly fade into the  background! I'm not sure if this is a good thing, but it was rather startling to realize how much I did not know/remember about many other friends, many of whom I relate to, very closely.

30 something year olds, not unlike 3 year olds, make lots of connections; on the job, at social events, religious gatherings, etc. In fact, it is imperative to keep connected to people of various backgrounds and trades as we ourselves climb up our career or social ladders - It really is about who you know. It's necessary to send a quick hallo every once in a while to that friend from college, as much as it is to stay in touch with your ace boon.

Many of us now rely on Facebook® to help us keep tabs on our friends. We often don't even reach out, just take a look at pictures or posts and say awww. We feel very informed about their lives based on the snippets that they share on social media. Our Facebook® friends list doesn't match our phone numbers list at all...and we have quickly grown accustomed to living life in this world of oversharing only a small part of what we are experiencing...much of it scripted and hollow.

So with this new realization, I am taking a closer look at my inner circle and trying to remember details about their lives - I might have to ask them a few questions! I recognize that I can't keep all details about everyone, but I should be able to answer questions about those that I hold dear to my heart!  

A quick exercise for you:
Who are your close friends (not counting significant others and blood related family)?
What do they currently do at their job/school?
What level of education have they completed?
If university level educated, what degree(s) have they completed?
Where have they lived in the last 10 years (cities/countries)?
What do they like to do for fun?
When was the last time you talked to them?


I would love to know what you learned. Please comment below and share!

Half-stepping diva

Loving You

Oh lawdie! I don fell off the bandwagon...and it backed up and rolled over me! over and over again! Ok, dramatics, but I did fall off and have lost my consistency in my dietary choices and it shows!

Since I have gotten to a more manageable weight, I decided to keep going and made a goal of discovering/building some ab muscles. You know, I purport to still carrying around some baby fat...no, not from having a baby...from when I was a baby 30 something years ago! And since I have been lackadaisical about my eating habits and my efforts in the gym, my potential for a 6 pack has expanded into the potential for a keg. Ok, still a bit dramatic, but my magic number of 35 inches around my mid section is slowly becoming a thing of the past. And this sister is not happy whatsoever about that!

As a 30 something year old woman I am definitely aware of how my appearance affects my daily interactions. I have used my perception of my body and/ or how it looks in clothes as a block to some things that I have wanted to do. Sometimes while getting ready to go out, I'd get so frustrated with my appearance that I simply would not go. Or decide against making plans in the first place because I didn't want to face the lying 3 way mirror in the dressing room, which has a sole purpose of seeking rolls of fat and putting it on magnified display. Though sometimes trivial, our appearance can be a stumbling block in our confidence and how we portray ourselves. And women are not the only ones who do not always feel confident about our appearance...it's a human thing that also affects our 30 something year old brothers as well...some of them are just better at not caring as much!

So once again, I'm resolving to consistency in my eating. I had cut out all added sugar (blog entry about how I finally lost the weight is coming soon!) but have slowly worked it back in my diet. So, back to what has worked, and focus on sculpting the muscles that I see trying to take shape. But above all those things, I am resolving to love my body no matter what she looks like!

I've recently been reminded of life's realities and with that, the importance of love, starting with love for all of me..including the silver hairs forming at my temples, my "athletic" build, my interestingly shaped toes and all those fat rolls that seem to only appear when I need to feel my best. I must love all of it. We often find faults with our body and harp on it, whether it's the acne that make us look 12 rather than 30 something, the extra body hairs that make us think of our Auntie Sally's mustache, premature graying, skinny legs, baldness, man boobs, a crooked smile or whatever we think should look better in order for us to feel great. But these are all the things that make us who we are and we often do not have control over them - no matter how hard I try, I will not grow past the 5'7" at which I currently stand (in fact, I might shrink as I get older!)

So as I chase the appearance for which I've been working so hard, I will continue to love me and not be so quick to criticize and demean myself. All of me is perfect. Period.

Half-stepping Diva

Halfstepping!

Ooh I've been half stepping! It's been a while since my last entry...lots has been happening and I've actually been dreaming about blogging but it just hasn’t happened. I have been meeting more 30 somethings and it has been reinforced to me over and over again that this is our optimal time for reflection and growth. In the last month, 30 something has also become more of a reality for me...no more 20’s.

Turning 30 hasn't been half as daunting as I thought it would be. Maybe this is because I have been mulling over it for a few years now, or because I've been so excited to get there. Getting to 30 means several things to me.
1. Privilege: The fact that I've gotten here is a privilege; I know too many people who have not made it to this age.
2. Letting go: I can let go of some of those things that happened in the teenage years and move on. The last few years have almost been a consequence of decisions or things that happened in high school and college. A new decade gives me a chance to evaluate my decisions apart from what my world looked like in my 20’s.
3…. and about that career: While I've been ambivalent about my career choice, 30 obliges me to commit and pursue a career with more determination. If I ever felt like I have “more time” to make this decision, well,  time’s up!

Resolve to keep on

So here I am, about 3 months from the end of the year, reassessing my goals for the year. I have met quite a few of them, and others I have actually forgotten were goals. During this past year, I am learning more than ever that every day is a new opportunity to renew my commitment to my goals. I often find myself wanting to give up when I take an extended break from fulfilling my goals. But a break should simply be just that, and not a permanent hiatus.

So the first goal that I am working on is to continue to share my thoughts through this blog. Even though I haven’t published in a while, I have been writing and the plan is to clean them up and get your thoughts about them. In preparation for getting this started, I realized I should probably set some guidelines for myself. I haven’t quite decided if I want to use this forum as a series of very public journal entries, to provide random thoughts, share my experiences and expertise or just a collection of sarcastic quips with the sole purpose to entertain or maybe even offend. Being a person that needs some level of structure, I’ve decided to define the purpose of the blog a little bit more, knowing that this will and should change as I get more comfortable and actually start thinking of myself as a blogger (I’m not quite there yet). In the meantime, I have lots of interests that I would like to share with readers out there.
Health corner: In order for our success, we must be healthy. Public health is very important for me and as we navigate the 30’s, our health will become increasingly relevant.
A weighted battle: Though part of our health, weight issues have a special place in my world. I have been “battling” my weight and surrounding health implications for a few years now and it turns out everyone is having this battle. I would like to share some thoughts, tips and other information to help us keep our weight in a healthy range.
Women matters: I am very concerned about the plight of women in the world. It is very apparent that we live in a man’s world and I would like to add my voice to the many voices out there about how much women do matter in the world. I am also interested in getting women to feel comfortable about ourselves and would like to discuss some of the more intimate life situations that we don’t always get to discuss or hear other folks discuss (Sorry, nothing kinky). Men, don’t check out of these discussions!
And the rest: I have interests in the world, the arts, cooking, relationships, my hair issues, and much more than I hope will stimulate discussion and definitely let us realize that we’re all experiencing different shades of the same life challenges.

 Thanks for coming along this journey with me. The goal is to get out an entry more often than not (finding it hard to commit, but certainly not every 6 months!) and I hope you find relevance in them. I welcome comments, suggestions, thoughts and even jokes! If you haven't already, remember to subscribe and confirm your subscriptions so that you have receive the updates right in your inbox!

Best regards
Half-stepping diva

What's in a name?

Half-stepping diva?  Say huh?  For those of you who know me, you know I’m hardly a diva. Well, on most days, anyway. I chose the name half-stepping diva because I find myself half-stepping…very often. Tiana who blogs on www.thinkingstilletos.com, discusses being a procrastinating perfectionist.  And I must say that those two words describe me absolutely perfectly. In my mind, I want everything as perfect as possible. Most times I actually try to make that happen. In reality, I like to wait until the last possible moment to make the perfectionism manifest…usually with highly dismal results.

 In the last few months in seriously examining my life, I realized that I live in a lukewarm world. I am neither hot nor cold about most things, and have been skating through life in survival mode so much that I have landed in the world of “I can go either way”. I realized I have been half-stepping. I always admired people in college who could play hard and work hard. On Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays and sometimes Sundays, they would be out enjoying the world through a bottle, the dance floor and maybe a companion. For the rest of the week, they managed to stay at the top of their class. Me, I was never out during the week, spent moderate time partying, and came up with lukewarm grades.  

As I am still a perfectionist, I strive for the best hoping to at least break even and often settle for less than I’m worth…still half-stepping. I am quite conservative, but very much a liberal…nope not a moderate, but rather a conservative liberal. I think big, dream big, and want more…only when I allow myself to think, dream or want…actions which are apparently needed to achieve more…still half-stepping.

In all of it, I have managed to accomplish a bit. I moved to a new country and into a completely new system as a teenager, suffered through living in suburban Ohio, went to college and graduated with two degrees and then worked on a Masters in one of the largest cities in the U.S. I have been at the same job for almost five years. I’ve been fairly accomplished despite my half-stepping tendencies.

So, as I have been created for excellence, I need to work out of this neither here nor there attitude. This blog is to help me remember this and to work towards being a woman of excellence.  Working through mediocrity means fighting complacency, staying focused, increasing strength (mental, physical & spiritual), and seeing projects all the way through to the end…no longer half-stepping.  

Half-stepping Diva