Celebrating

Two years ago, I decided to start blogging. I wanted to work on my skills as a writer while honoring a friend whose death taught me the importance of living a life of no regrets, and loving on everyone in my space as much as possible. I was also inspired by feelings of uncertainty and  unaccomplishment and especially after I realized in talking to others approaching 30, in their 30s and even beyond, all of whom I have dubbed "30 something year olds" that it was a common feeling.

In the last two years it has been a challenge keeping up with my commitments, but I have learned how much  my work input influences what is actually happening in my life. The blog has also given me opportunity to process my world on a deeper level. I certainly hope something I've discussed resonates with someone out there.

As I hit the two year mark, I am taking a moment to examine how it all fits in my world and how to make this better. I'm also celebrating the memory of my friend and inspiration. He would have been 35 today.

So to start, I have made a commitment to continue to use this platform as originally intended; to give me space to fully express myself. I also want to use it to discuss some of the topics that are near to me: the world through the eyes of women, our health, weight loss, body image, Africa, building ourselves to be the best, and stripping away uncertainty and stepping out with confidence. I recognize that I will often half-step; and will falter, but as long as I keep making an effort, I know it's not in vain.

You might notice that I have finally moved the blog to its own domain: www.halfsteppingdiva.com. If you haven't already subscribed, please do so; it'll get updates right to your inbox and allow me to have an idea how many folks have access. I welcome comments and suggestions and hope we can grow together, dismantling the things that hold us back, and continue to step up to reach higher.

Giving you all my best,
Half-stepping diva

My Sugar love

One of the ladies in my class hadn’t seen me in a bit, and asked yesterday if I was off sugar again. I had to admit to her that yes I was generally off sugar except for the half tub of ice-cream I had over the weekend along with the little cones that I demolished the day before and on my way to class. Why do you ask, I say… She says she could see it….and I was looking good! Oh right! My efforts do show, even when I don’t see it! I guess I’m back off sugar.

 

Saying I have a sweet tooth is an understatement. I truly believe that whatever sensor in our brain that tells it to shut off eating sugar, because our blood glucose has risen too fast, often takes a nap -and for long periods. My shut-off mechanism kicks in only because we have made it to the bottom of the bag and there’s no more. I often tell folks I eat chocolate by the bar or box or whatever container it comes in. As a child, my mother would bring home treats for the whole family…I would eat mine and everyone else’s. There was no stopping. I got sick right after my birthday EVERY YEAR…I would indulge in my birthday cake which my mother lovingly adorned with Smarties (like M&M’s but wayyyyyyyyy better, I have some at home if you would like to try it!) along with all the other sugary foods allowed.  As an adult it got worse because I could simply purchase as much as I wanted. Indeed I regularly keep a few pounds of chocolate at home. I love traveling to new places, usually because I can sample their chocolate. I can’t admit how much I spent on chocolate last year in London…even I was horrified when the lady told me my total….say what?

And I’m not the only one in my family.  My family’s request when I travel…chocolate. Years ago, my brother won a 5 pound Hershey bar…it didn’t take long for me, my father and him to blow through it. Though, my father was recently amazed at how much chocolate I quickly ingested…I guess I take the cake for the sweet tooth of the family….oooh cake! Yum! Ok, ok, I’m back.

So imagine my surprise when for 2014 I successfully gave up added sugar, which of course includes my beloved chocolate! In the past, I have gone for months banning chocolate from touching my lips. This usually happened after an especially punishing binge (2/3 bags or bars in a sitting) after which I talked myself into giving up the chocolate. At the beginning of the year we have a corporate fast at church; I usually do a full Daniel’s fast and eliminate sugar etc (Daniel’s fast eliminates meat among other foods, which I already do, so my focus is on the other parts of the fast). So I’ve done that successfully for a few years now, and had drastically cut down my sugar intake in the process. But in 2014 I decided to make it a lifestyle change and removed added sugar from my diet.

I’ll admit, this was not easy at all. I mean, at all. Sugar cravings will make you forget everything including the fact that you're avoiding sugar! But the reward has been amazing. The first thing I noticed was that contrary to what I thought, my energy levels stayed the same and possibly higher. I am high strung and overly energetic which I had attributed to my sugar intake, but alas, it's all natural baby.  I also noticed that I was not overeating as much. My stop eating mechanism seemed to be functioning a lot more and quicker. And of course my favorite change was my weight adjustment. The scale went below 150 lbs, something I'd been struggling to accomplish - and my midsection got trimmer. I noticed my skin was smoother, probably from losing the fatty tissue accustomed to sitting right underneath it. And the ladies in my class noticed...only after about a week!

So why is sugar the bad guy.
Well this article explains that eating too much added sugar increases the risk of dying with heart disease (even if you're not overweight).

CNN reports here that excessive added sugar consumption can cause fat buildup in the liver which can attribute to obesity, Type II diabetes and cardiovascular disease

And this article from SFGate discusses similar trends including an impaired immune system which prevents your body from fighting viruses, bacteria and other guys bad for our health.

Oh yeah and it contributes to dementia and aging too!

I started the elimination as a part of a 3 week commitment and decided to extend it out. This allowed me to be really focused and work at keeping my commitment. There have certainly been slip ups and oopsies, but my newly adopted lifestyle has shown me that even I, the queen of the sugar world, can put my mind to something and accomplish it. I'll talk more about how I stayed on track and the challenges of a sugar-free world in the next blog entries! Stay tuned.  

Happy living!
 
Half-stepping diva

 

What are you holding onto?

This week, I was asked a simple question by a wisdom-filled woman I've been blessed to be around... "What are you holding onto?"
Huh? I've often heard and asked of myself "what's holding me back?" so this was a new outlook for me!

I shared this question with another blessing in my life who is quite versed in my brand of craziness and without missing a beat, her response was "Stability!" Hmmm...I think she's right, people!

I heart stability! I don't need to rock the boat...for what? I've had the same phone number for 10+ years- I don't know why I hold loyalty to the phone company...they don't provide excellent service, drop calls all the time, their phones are expensive and of no use to me outside of the US..the list of cons goes on. But I stay! I've lived and worked in the same place for the last 6.5 years. The only reason I have a new car is because I had to and even then managed to get a newer version of my previous car-same make, model, and even color!

My world does not change - if I go on vacation, it's because someone prodded me. Routine and schedules are my friends. If I do pick up something new, it will soon become a part of my routine! It is said that good girls rarely make history. Yeah if the history makers were like me, there wouldn't be much to talk about...and we would be stuck in a backwards world!

My desire for stability spans all the different avenues: financial, emotional, relational, etc. I am quite frugal, and that has helped me not spend money on frivilous things (ok not a lot, I mean what do I need all these black shoes for?) . I tend to keep friends for life, or at least try. For my own emotions, I'm fair even keeled. Though those who know me will say I am high strung, ah, I am generally a happy person.

Now I'm not knocking  my firm desire for stability. It is a survival mechanism that has afforded me freedom and peace. But now it has also become a safety blanket; a perceived security. And as a result I find myself stuck in a rut!

So now what? What is a goodytwoshoes-don'trocktheboat-noI'mokrighthere-Icancope to do?

What are you holding onto that's holding you back? What have you done to shake up your world and start digging out of your rut. What chances have you taken on yourself?

I would love to hear your thoughts...meanwhile, I am changing things up; learning spontaneity, ignoring schedules and living in the moment!

Half-stepping diva

What is you waiting for?

It doesn't take very long for 30 something year olds to realize that life is whatever we make of it. We actually have to get up and do something if we want it. It often starts after school when we learn that we have to actually apply for a job, attend interviews and hopefully get employed. If we want a spouse, we have to go out there and meet someone (if we haven't already), court and then work our way towards marriage. There is no longer a wait and it'll happen...whatever we want, we must pursue.

Most of us understand this concept in its broad sense. I mean, there are very few people at this stage of life waiting for someone to offer them a job just because their name is John or Mary, but somehow we find a way to wait for life to happen in other aspects of our world.

How often we do hear, I am waiting until X happens before I do Y. One of the most common ones that I hear involves weight loss. Many 30 something year olds would like to accomplish something that requires physical and mental dedication....so once they lose the extra pounds, they will train for a 5K. Or some of us afraid to work out in public and prefer to wait until we've lost the weight before joining a gym. In some cases, we are in pursuit of spirituality and religious knowledge, but want to wait until we have our minds right before pursuing a religious affiliation. My favorite of all times come from our 30 something year old brothers who want to "get their lives together" before pursuing a relationship or before taking the next step in a relationship. What are we really waiting for?

Life waits for no one. Many of us have attended enough funerals or heard about the passing of very young people to realize that there is no time to wait. Whether it's a new career, a chance at romance or pursuing our dreams, there is no time to wait. My mother always reminded  me not to put off to tomorrow what I can do today. And I think of that daily.

I often find myself in a place of comfort, not wanting to leave the perceived stability of my current, in  pursuit of what could be, or not be. And thereby miss out on a chance for something to change. Many 30 something year olds find ourselves stuck in a rut because we are waiting; for something to happen, for something to change or get better. Meanwhile, the hours are passing into days and soon enough years.

Do not wait for your skin to clear up before becoming more comfortable with your beautiful face. Do not wait to lose weight before pursuing anything, be it a date, clothes, love, job interviews etc. Do not wait for circumstances to be perfect before you take a chance at love. Do not wait for someone else to see the world, to go to the gym, to try that new restaurant, to see a play, to lose weight etc. Do not wait for a specific day/holiday before you do what you like. Do not wait for your bank account to reach a certain number to pursue what you really want to do. Do not wait to be less busy to spend time with people, or do things you've always wanted to do. Do not wait for the right circumstances to go back to school or pursue your career. Do not wait for the best circumstances to have children. Do not wait for a partner to be all that you can be.  And do not wait for the "right" time to tell those you love how you feel...the time may never come.

Shattered silence

The peace in my ultra-quiet ultra-safe neighborhood was recently “lined” with three gunshots and a whole lot of questions.

A few Sundays ago around 10:30pm, we were kept awake by a police helicopter that just would not go away. Living so close downtown means that we get the occasional police activity while they were looking for a suspect. I, of course assumed this was business as usual and dismissed the howling blade as someone else’s problem. Shortly after, I was notified that there were police officers outside our complex with guns drawn…Our immediate response was to run to the window to see what was going on. Sure enough, we spotted the police who then started shining a flashlight up our window- we instantly ducked! This was completely out of place for our neighborhood, so we didn't think much of it. An ambulance came up shortly after prompting us to think that a neighbor had some kind of medical emergency. We didn’t even flinch when the police stopped by to ask if we’d seen or heard anything suspicious. The officer instantly put on his  "black speak", joking and laughing with us. He told us that detectives would be coming by to complete their investigations; that was when we noticed the whole complex had been roped off with crime scene tape. But as far as we were concerned, it was all something minor. The police officer also let us  know that it would take only a few hours to complete the investigations and they will let us know when we could leave. No problem for us. We went to sleep blissfully ignorant.  

Our lockdown continued into the next morning; I went outside to see how it was all going and was informed it would be a few hours before we would be able to leave. We settled into our morning and didn't think much of anything. I had googled our city a few times to see if any news had been updated, but seeing nothing, we continued to believe there had been a minor infraction. Nothing at all to worry about.   After a few hours I stepped out to check for the police or their crime scene tape and as suddenly as it had started all was clear and peaceful around the complex. I went on my merry way to work, just thinking of how bizarre it had all been.  

 

Shortly after I got to work, reality hit: I received a text from home saying a news channel had stopped by and wanted to know if we knew the victim…I’m sorry, the who? Victim? In our neighborhood? What in the world are they talking about. I started frantically searching the internet to see what had really happened and discovered a murder had been committed right next door!  According to the news, our neighbor was gunned down in his garage. The suspects who were seen leaving the scene had been caught, their discarded weapon retrieved.   We were a part of an episode of Law and Order and didn’t even know it.

The next few hours left me feeling all sorts of emotions, from relief to indignance and many more in between. Above all those emotions however was disbelief. How could something like this happen in my immediate world? When I returned later in the evening from work, a very eerie feeling had settled through the neighborhood, though my neighbors seemed to have returned to their normal world. It was as if nothing had happened and even though it was reassuring to see everything settled down, it also felt so wrong to just go back to normal after a family had suffered such a loss.

Following this harrowing incident, I became very aware of my vulnerability and my mortality. It is not uncommon for any of us to be outside the apartment around that time of the evening...what if any of us had been out there. Many other "what if" situations popped into my head and threatened to keep me awake at night. On the evening following the incident, as I was driving home, I completely panicked when a car pulled alongside mine thinking someone was about to pull a gun. I also spent time really looking around the complex before proceeding into the garage.

Over the next few months, I went through various activities aimed at making myself feel safe again in my environment. I found my home to be eerie and unsettling. I also realized that not really knowing what happened made me wonder if there were other targets in the neighborhood. Maybe my excessive watching of crime shows raised my paranoia level wayyyyyyy up. I had to engage  all the stress relieving activities to calm myself down on a daily basis and with time starting accepting the reality of my new now tarnished world.

I have since realized that there is no such thing as a safe neighborhood. I cannot take for granted that life happens and though I cannot prepare for everything that happens in my life, I can be vigilant in my daily actions. During those times when I felt completely exposed and vulnerable, I remembered to rely on my faith in God to get me through, and I learned a few safety tips.

A few safety tips:

- Always be aware of your surroundings; pay attention as you walk or drive; avoid distractions such as playing on your phone, texting etc.
- The elbow is the strongest point on your body, if you're close enough to use it, do so. If you're not close enough to use it, run.
-When walking down a street, make eye contact with people you encounter; it shows awareness and confidence
-Avoid carrying excessive bags on your person.
- If you're being robbed, through object away from your being and run, do not just hand it over.
- Once you get into your car after a day of shopping etc, do not sit in your car  to complete your checklist or send out text messages. Lock your car and leave.
-When getting into your car in a parking lot/garage, make note of your surroundings before getting into your car. If you feel uneasy, find someone to walk you to your car.
-Get to know your neighbors and those around you, it'll be easier to spot someone out of place.
-Take a self-defense class, and stay active.

 

It is now business as usual: the remaining members of the affected family moved out, having been told they were likely targeted and followed. Children are back to playing around the complex again, folks are living as if nothing happened. I can't forget that someone lost their life so close to our head, but, life must go on.

 

Stay safe everyone,

Half-stepping diva